Why Is It Important to Do Something to Heal Vaginismus Now?

The BIGGEST answer to this question is because, if you don’t act now, overcoming vaginismus later will be more complicated and lengthy!

Let me ask you a couple of questions:

Are you postponing going to a gynecologist to get your diagnosis for vaginismus?
Are you procrastinating around practicing your dilation, and doing it with consistency is getting more difficult for you?
Are you getting less confident in overcoming vaginismus the more time passes?

Then, this blog post is for you, dear.

Here, we’ll uncover why it is essential to focus on overcoming our condition NOW, and not tomorrow!

But before we get there, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Overcoming Guide based on my personal experience and research!

First, let me tell you a bit of my own vaginismus story.

I lived with vaginismus for over ten years, dear. 10 years! That is a long time! But, it didn’t feel that long while I was living with vaginismus.

So I want to share a pivotal moment that will make it clearer to understand why it took so long for me to start taking action towards healing my condition.

I had two long-term relationships while living with vaginismus, and in between, I dated, or let’s say I attempted to date other men, but none of them went well

There was one particular guy that I was very interested in.

We hung out for a couple of nights, and eventually, he invited me to his place, and I accepted. At the time he was living way far away from the city center, which is an important detail for the story

Everything was beautiful at the beginning.

We got more and more intimate; everything was flowing gently and softly but then it came to having penetration.

For the record, I had never let any of my partners anywhere near my vagina. Whenever they attempted to squeeze between my tightened legs, I would sharply push them away screaming, “NO! I don’t want it!”. I had no sexual abuse history, but this was my common reaction to any penetration attempt.

So, of course, while I was enjoying the magical chemistry between me and this man I was telling you about earlier, my usual reaction didn’t change magically, so when he tried to take our passion to the next level I shouted, “NO, I can’t!”

When he asked for a reason, I told him.

Even after a brief summary about vaginismus, he still wanted to give it a try.

We tried, but surely, there was NO WAY for me to allow his penis to get closer to my vagina!

Then he said, “Whatever! But you know Petek, sex is 70% of a relationship!”.

No more conversation! He turned his back and slept!

It was the longest night I’d ever had: I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t leave either.

In the morning, he didn’t even offer me breakfast or offer to drive me to the local transport back home!

After a long night of restless anxiety, it took three hours for me to get back home!

So he mistreated me, it’s obvious NOW

But at the time, the thoughts in my mind were:

I deserved it!
Vaginismus is my punishment!
Nobody will love me!
I’m not worthy!

Thinking and feeling this way was devastating! It was a burden!

I didn’t attempt to have penetration again until I finally got healed.

I ignored my condition entirely because I didn’t know how to deal with the accompanying emotions without letting them control my life!

That’s what happened: They took over and controlled my life, so I stopped trying to heal my condition!

It was hard to motivate myself to heal it or even believe that I could overcome vaginismus!

That’s why it took me more than ten years to heal my condition, dear.

I wouldn’t take any action to address it: I ignored, postponed, waited, and denied myself the chance to change it because I was in so much fear around feeling it!

Here is the thing though dear;

We can learn how to deal with our emotions!
We can transform our relationship with them into something healthier.
We can overcome vaginismus on our own and finally feel complete, dear!

Let’s unpack into what happens when we postpone healing vaginismus.

#1 We lose the belief in ourselves that we can overcome vaginismus

Do you remember our recent blog post, The Power of Experiential Learning, Especially While Healing Vaginismus? We learn by doing. We learn by repeating, and practicing!

Think about how many times we repeated falling and standing up as children trying to learn to walk.

We learned repeatedly doing the actions which would help us reach our goals!

If what we repeat is the thought that “I can’t overcome vaginismus” over and over again, then naturally, it will become our truth, dear! We will inevitably believe in it deeply.

So, look at your day;

What are the thoughts that you repeat in your mind?
What is the tone of your inner speech? Is it angry or compassionate?
How many times do you tell yourself that you can’t or you won’t do something?

Investigate these bundles of thoughts with curiosity, as best you can.

Try not to be harsh on yourself when you catch a mean thought, rather journal it, and write about it as open and objectively as possible.

You’ll notice that what you are repeatedly doing will become your new habit, my lovely friend.

The good news is that we can transform and evolve them into something healthier, something that serves you in the moment and for the long run.

We all know that I recommend mindfulness, loving, and kindness practices, especially while healing vaginismus, almost all the time. That’s because they work, and if you are new here, check out our Facebook group to learn more about how you can adopt these practices into your daily life.

#2 We lose motivation to do what we need to do to overcome vaginismus

Even when we see others’ healing stories, motivating ourselves to do what we are supposed to do can get more challenging. For example;

finding an understanding doctor when we have had bad experiences with doctors before,
consistently dilating,
or recognizing that you need support and accountability

The more motivation we lose to dawdling around achieving what we need to do, the more struggles to keep up with the repetitive and limiting beliefs that we have become so used to such as:

“I can’t overcome it!”,
“I’ve tried everything for years; nothing will work for me!”,
Or “I don’t even want to have sex; why should I even try anymore?”

Losing motivation is one of the most common consequences of postponing our actions to overcome vaginismus dear.

I wrote another blog post for you that uncovers how to feel inspired when you lose motivation: How to Feel Inspired When We Lose Motivation, Especially While Healing Vaginismus. Check it out, and let me know what you think!

#3 Procrastinating causes low self-confidence

The more we procrastinate, the more we strengthen the belief that “I can’t”.

It’s an interesting connection, that we often miss, despite how obvious it is!

Let me be clear:

When we repeatedly postpone proactive behavior, the task itself does not vanish; it still holds a place in our minds as a task that we have not yet accomplished.

The burden of this gives us a sense of failure, a sense of “I didn’t do enough!” and these feelings are very much connected to low self-confidence.

Moreover, think of a friend: giving promises but not keeping them.

How would you feel about that friend?

It doesn’t change when it comes to the opinions we have of ourselves: as we postpone or do not keep our promises, we inevitably lose our trust in our words.

The more we repeatedly postpone action for whatever reasons, the less confident we become in being able to accomplish what needs to be done.

And your sense of confidence in healing vaginismus means a lot, dear!

To boost your confidence, start giving yourself very doable tasks and keep to them no matter what.

Make your bed every day,
Drink four glasses of water,
Have breakfast every morning

Then your internal messaging that you listen to will be way different, my lovely friend.

It will start sounding something like :

I’m a starter and a finisher.

You’ve already started this healing journey; so let’s decide if you want to be the finisher of it as well!

“Starting strong is good. Finishing strong is EPIC!.” Robin Sharma

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com

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