Nothing is permanent in life; not even our vaginismus!

We tend to think that everything we face in life, whether it is the struggles of living with vaginismus, or the luxury of being able to walk and run will be with us for our whole lives.

But the truth is, nothing is permanent in life, not even our vaginismus!

But before we get there, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Overcoming Guide based on my personal experience and research!

Right now, my dad has been in the hospital for 12 days and 10 hours.

Doctors can’t figure out what has happened to him.

He lost his ability to walk out of nowhere over the course of 3 days.

Somehow, there is this belief deep within me that this will all pass over like everything else in life.

I’m not telling you this story to stress you out about the future, everything can turn upside down in a second, so rather, I am telling you this as a reminder that the permanent reality of life is that it is impermanent.

Every moment I have spent caring for my dad since the incident has felt like a teachable moment. Looking after him has taught me how to see, feel and respond, I find myself actively:

Listening for his pain,
Observing it without pity,
Empathizing with him from the bottom of my heart,
And, helping him as best I can.

As I was doing this, I found myself engaging with my sense of compassion, which reminded me of our shared humanity.

While caregiving, my mind is active, focused on his needs, and meeting his needs as best I can.

My mind and intentions are clear, so is my attention; they are directed towards addressing and soothing him because of what he has been through.

So I had the opportunity to ask myself; do we give this care to ourselves as well?

Is your mind clear enough:

to hear your pain: how do you experience it in the moment? Can you locate the feeling of your pain?
to see your experiences as they are without pitying yourself?
to empathize with yourself from the bottom of your heart and be kind and gentle towards yourself?

Are you compassionate enough to care about your needs and meet them as best you can?

Do you think that you care for yourself as much as you care for your loved ones?

The reason why I asked this important question is because, if we know that life can change course in an instant, then what are we doing to make sure that we are looking after ourselves during this roller coaster journey while using these tools to better understand the way we respond to the challenges and opportunities we go through?

Why do we feel angry when things don’t happen the way we want them to especially while living with vaginismus?

The big answer to this question is because we have attached ourselves to the expectations we have for life. It is normal to form expectations, but as soon as we begin to cling to these, the end result tends to take over the experience of the present moment. Which means instead of being present in reality, we crave the imaginary very badly.

So our disappointment from life is not from what we expect from life or our dreams and hopes, instead it comes from our relationship with them.

For example;

having a baby, or a family,
getting married,
or having a healthy sex life,

seem like pretty innocent dreams.

There is no problem with having such dreams.

But what is your relationship with them?

What happens if they don’t happen as you expect them to?

Do you feel like a failure, not enough, or less of a woman?

If yes, how do you feel to consider this?

We all feel this way from time to time, for sure, but how do you react to feeling like that?

Are you angry?

Does your inner voice sound critical and harsh?

What would happen if you could let go of being

hard on yourself?
or angry at yourself for the way you feel?

Imagine how freeing it would feel when your expectations are no longer your cause of suffering!

Unhealthy relationships with the expectations we have for our lives impact our inner peace heavily, and affect your healing process enormously.

So, what do I need to do to feel more peaceful while healing vaginismus?

#1 Practice letting go of things during the vaginismus journey

There is a beautiful analogy from my mindfulness teacher David Cornwell which explains what “let go” means.

He invites you to imagine yourself being in the cinema, watching a movie.

You lean your back in the chair.

And after a while, you feel the movie’s drama in you.

You get out of your chair, and it completely catches you: you are still in the movie!

Then you start to observe what’s really happening to you as;

you notice that you are out of your chair,
you see how you feel, and be kind to what you notice,
then lean back to your chair,
and invite yourself to come back to your center by bringing attention to your breath.

The analogy of the movie’s drama can be your reaction to feeling like a failure in real life, dear.

What you do there is:

first, observing what’s happening as it is,
then bringing mindfulness to the moment,; bringing openness and friendliness to the experience,
and kindness to yourself,
then giving a simple invitation to come back to reality through your breath, your anchor.

Whatever you observe, bring mindfulness and kindness there, the tension which comes from getting caught up in drama, and your inner dialogue will fade away gradually, which means you get to let go of that tension naturally: without trying to do it!

It’s the same for pain.

While living with vaginismus, we obviously struggle with pain, but actually the main struggle is with the fear of pain, right?

How is your relationship with this feeling? How do you react to it?

Can you implement these steps to create some space to experience the fear of pain without trying to get rid of it as quickly as possible?

How you react to it is very similar to how you react to any difficulty in your life.

Let’s say that you encounter tension in your vagina during dilation.

You may feel this tension all over your body.

And if you get caught up in the experience without observing it with friendliness and kindness, then you can get caught up in your relationship with tension rather than the reality of your experience from tension itself.

As you follow these steps such as:

observing,
naming how you feel, what you think,
bringing openness and friendliness to your experience without ignoring or trying to change it,
being kind and gentle with yourself,
and coming back to your now,

then, you let go of suffering from tension. You bring ease to the experience.

#2 Use faith to build confidence in the vaginismus healing process

It is not important what you believe in life, whether in God, the universe, or a bigger power. But it is helpful to believe that everything happens for a reason, so as to strengthen the idea that everyone has a different clock in their lives which affects their progression through everything.

My degree is in engineering. Actually, my whole family is an engineer: my dad, mom, brother, and me!

If I didn’t have vaginismus,

I would never ask myself unhealthy questions like “what is wrong with me!”,
I wouldn’t feel as low, because all of my triggers which made me feel unworthy wouldn’t affect me,
I wouldn’t start yoga and meditation to feel more centered in life!
I wouldn’t meet the lovely people I have met from my farming and mindfulness encounters.
I wouldn’t take courses about farming or accept an internship in Sweden, where I was able to have my very first penetrative sex experience with an incredible man that I met there!
And I wouldn’t have taken the leap to move to Thailand where I eventually met the partner I live with and love today!
Plus, I would definitely not help women with vaginismus overcome their condition so that they can have pain-free penetration to feel complete!

So nobody can convince me that none of this didn’t have a reason and that those reasons haven’t brought me right here to do what I do right now!

Having faith will help you trust the process, and have confidence in yourself, especially when you feel unmotivated or low while healing vaginismus.

#3 Be self-compassionate and gentle towards yourself while healing vaginismus

If you ask me what attitude I would give as a gift to someone, it would be self-compassion, dear!

When letting go of suffering, you get to be self-compassionate and gentle with yourself, dear.

Then you will understand that nothing, your vaginismus included, is permanent, my lovely friend. And while you practice the art of loving yourself with kindness and compassion, it will be easier to accept and respond to these experiences the more you practice more mindful and loving and kindness practices dear.

That is why I would like to invite you to this online community of women from across the world, where we learn strategies and approaches towards healing our condition with the support of others in the same position, in order to support ourselves with shared kindness.

Like everything in life, it comes, stays, and passes through, so we get the chance to put a deliberate effort into healing our condition with compassion for ourselves, dear.

Because we deserve it!

So when are you going to start giving yourself the opportunity to implement these steps into your healing journey dear? When are you going to start caring for yourself?

“It’s not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.” Thich Nhat Hanh

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com

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