How to Transform Our Self-Sabotaging Behavior To Help Heal Our Vaginismus

Do you ever find yourself self-sabotaging?

How often does it feel like you have caught yourself acting like this?

When does it happen the most?

Are you aware of this behavior while it’s happening, dear?

In this post, we’ll uncover the impact of sabotaging ourselves on our vaginismus healing journey and how to transform it into one which wants to empower ourselves to feel whole once more!

But before we get to how I faced my uncomfortable parts of myself and how I dealt with it, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

So, let’s get backtrack.

When we look inwards, we must always remember the power we have to really hurt ourselves mentally and emotionally through the way we talk to ourselves.

If we ever met a person who talks to us in the same way we do to ourselves, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to continue to hang out with that person, right?. We might even say, “how dare you to talk to me like that?” right?

But then why do we choose to speak to ourselves in a way we don’t want to be talked to?

This is a habit that we are most likely unaware especially while we are in the middle of talking destructively against ourselves.

We’ll dive into how to transform this behavior because it’s obviously something that doesn’t serve us at all. Before we get there, let’s take a look at what self-sabotaging ourselves really is.

What is self-sabotaging behavior?

It’s an inner voice. I call it the Little Woman in our head. I’m sure you’ve all heard or at least once or twice while reading this already!

This Little Woman can be very destructive, demotivating, discouraging, especially when it comes to getting out of our comfort zone which is where we will grow, expand, and move forward.

Think about going to a doctor to get the diagnosis with vaginismus. It is 110% out of your comfort zone, right? But it’s also a huge step in your healing journey.

In this situation, think about what your Little Woman says to you and how she has the potential to make you feel drained or worried in order to accomplish its mission, which is to make it difficult to move forward beyond your zone of comfort.

You might recall feeling as though :

You won’t be able to overcome vaginismus, and asking those “what if you can’t overcome it” questions over and over again.
You won’t be able to have a family,
You can’t have any romantic relationships

Maybe when you read these phrases, it’s easy to catch how they can be destructive, but at the moment, it’s harder to notice, my dear, and that is SUPER NORMAL! I used to do it all the time, and we all do every now and then.

This is why I like the metaphor of the two fish: there are 2 fish swimming, one goes to the other and asks, “Hey, there, how is the water?” and the other one says, “What water?!?”

It doesn’t notice the water because it’s already surrounded by it. The water is everywhere.

It’s so similar to our thoughts, dear. We live in our heads, so it’s not that easy to be aware of those thoughts and how they have a different temperature and tone.

We’ve got to train our mind to notice them, which is super-duper good news because it means we have the opportunity to transform them😊

The impact of self-sabotaging behavior is pretty huge not only on our vaginismus healing journey but on other parts of our life as well.

When we consider only the healing vaginismus process, we’ll see maybe how we tend to live with vaginismus longer because of this behavior: and this can go on for years maybe decades. It’s not because vaginismus is too damn difficult to overcome, it’s because we have been caught up listening to the Little Woman and that has made it hard to move forward consistently!

Now you might be thinking:

But, how to stop sabotaging myself to be consistent in healing my vaginismus?

Fair thought, lovely! But let’s add an adjustment 😊

We are not setting an intention here to STOP our self-sabotage, because focusing on stopping or changing things is very STRESSFUL!

Instead,

We RECOGNIZE it!
We EMBRACE it!
We are allowing it to be as it is!

Then transformation begins naturally.

Suppose the intention is to change whatever we experience at the moment into a different state. In that case, we experience tension with it, and it manifests in our body as tension as well, and even as a contraction. Could you see the similarity with how vaginismus manifests in our bodies through mindset?

So tension doesn’t come only with sabotaging ourselves. It comes with rejecting and trying to change it.

So here is the question:

How can we transform our self-sabotaging behavior to help with healing my vaginismus?

Simple, we can practice mindfulness and loving and kindness practices by understanding the teaching beneath it.

Here it is what we get used to doing as practice mindfulness, dear, whenever we start to sabotage ourselves:

We see how we speak to ourselves, without judging this; just seeing it as it is: “I am saying this and that to myself, right now.”
We name the behavior by using the phrase “right now”, which highlights that it’s NOW’s experience, not my whole life.
While saying this, asking ourselves
- What are my thoughts right now?
- How do I feel about them right now?
Notice how you are experiencing these thoughts and emotions in your precious body right now:
- Look for tension or contractions in some parts of your body,
- Notice how you are holding your breath or breathing faster than before,
- Check if your palms are sweating or that you are in other parts of your body
Ask, “how I can support myself right, how I can help.”
- Maybe close your eyes and imagine sending your out-breath these tight parts of my body,
- Maybe stretching your body,
- Maybe inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly for a couple of times

And checking in with yourself again.

I invite you to notice the care, kindness, and compassion here, it’s coming from ourselves to us.

Your behavior in itself will transform into something softer, bearable.

So rather than trying to escape from what we experience while sabotaging ourselves,

we explore it;
- we look at it closely,
- we investigate with curiosity.

Also, we created space between our habitualized behavior that was self-sabotaging, and us and broke down the cycle of believing in what we say, slowing our healing journey.

Just imagine now: Wouldn’t it be awesome

to feel enough no matter where we are at, in our lives,
not to be stopped by ourselves from taking action to heal our vaginismus,
seeing our habits and not hating them; embracing them, befriending them, and feeling complete?

Let’s learn more about how to do it, my dear, at your free online workshop; happening on the 12th of December 2020.

“Life is about accepting the challenges along the way, choosing to keep moving forward, and savoring the journey.” Roy T. Bennett

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com