How to Free Ourselves From Unhealthy Habits While Overcoming Our Vaginismus

The way we think, feel, and behave is tremendously impactful on our vaginismus healing process because either we end up being consistent and committed in our journey to heal our condition or depressed and confused.

Today, we’re here to dive more into recognizing and freeing ourselves from these thinking, feeling, and behaving habits that can hold us back from healing our vaginismus because of how unhealthy they can end up being.

But before we get to how I faced my uncomfortable parts of myself and how I dealt with it, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

So, let’s begin!

I want to start with one of the “aha” moments that I experienced last weekend, a couple of days ago.

We were watching a comedy with my partner, and everything was going very well.

However, after a scene at the end of the movie, I suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable, then I felt angry with my partner and even irritated.

My skin felt so sensitive that I didn’t want to be touched at all, despite having just enjoyed cuddling with my partner minutes before.

The transition from being very loving to very annoyed was incredibly fast 😊

We’ll get back to this detail very soon.

That evening, I slept on this feeling, then in the morning I said, “Wow, this way of reaction might be my habit!”

It reminded me of the time I had been living with vaginismus.

Whenever I would get triggered for any reason, I’d end up questioning my life, then ask those “what if” questions to myself:

What if I can’t overcome this condition?
What if I have to live with it forever?

Then I overcame it, I cured my vaginismus condition. But those “what if” questions remained just with a different context this time.

I overcame vaginismus when I was single.

After a very short celebration for overcoming vaginismus, immediately new “what if” questions replaced the old with:

What if I can’t have a relationship?
What if I can’t open myself to a man?

Then I got into a loving relationship. Again, after a quick celebration for finding my love, I immediately had another set of, “what if” questions asking:

What if I lose my womb?
What if I can’t have a baby?

Then we started to have penetrative sex without a condom. And after a short celebration of our attempt to start a family, another set of “what if” questions started to haunt me.

After each “what if” I ended up feeling drained, depressed, sad, and irritated by everything around me!

I had been repeating the same way of thinking, feeling, and behaving for years, such as:

Thinking “what if?”
Feeling depressed,
Behaving as annoyed!

This repetitive circle became my HABIT, which I hadn’t realized before; that’s why my story about sitting on the couch was such a meaningful AHA MOMENT for me.

Frankly, when we look, it’s not that EASY to become aware of our habits, because we tend to LIVE IN OUR HABITS, but it is POSSIBLE.

I’ve told you this story before, but I want to repeat it here, as it’s such a good metaphor:

Two fish are swimming in the sea. And one goes to the other one and asks, “Hey, how is the water?” The other says: “What water?”

It’s hard to differentiate from the water when we live in it, the same is so for our habits.

But it brings us to this question:

How can we recognize and free ourselves from our unhealthy habits so that we don’t react in the same harmful way?

Particularly while living with vaginismus, these repetitive cycles can quickly become our habits, my dear friend, which is COMPLETELY NORMAL!

But here is the thing: Whenever you notice that your mood has shifted very quickly, then these are the steps that can be very helpful for recognition and transformation:

#1.Create spaciousness to slow down and explore what you experience mindfully

We’ve got to create spaciousness in our lives, dear, to see things as they are. And this spaciousness can come as we slow down. Mindfulness is tremendously helpful for us to learn how to create this space and slow down.

#2. Check-in with yourself and your reaction honestly

You may need to remove yourself from the environment wherever you encounter this reaction in you so that you can explore it fully.

It is important to pause and ask yourself these questions :

What has just happened, a couple of hours ago or a minute ago?
What were your thoughts in the moment?
How did you feel at that moment, and how do you feel right now?
How was your body reacting, and how is it now?

What we are doing here is OBSERVING.

While we are doing that, we automatically break the cycle of our mood.

We start to engage in discovering ourselves closely.

And even this is a very different response compared to our old way of reacting, which might force you into living in a drained and depressed mood for longer.

#3. Ask yourself when you have felt like this before and if there were any similar thoughts accompanied with that feeling

It’s amazingly beneficial to journal our unpleasant experiences. It’s not a must, just very helpful.

Rather than diving into the details of the day, here is the template for journaling which I want to share with you to help with your daily check-ins:

What was the situation?
What were the thoughts that accompanied the situation?
How did we feel eventually?
How did we experience it in our bodies?
While journaling and remembering the same case, how do we feel at the moment?

Due to having lots of ups and downs during vaginismus, this template can show us our similar thinking patterns and feelings, dear.

Then we can recognize our habitualized behavior easier.

Even just recognizing it is enough to create space between the habit itself and our feelings whenever we encounter it, rather than getting lost in it.

As we get in touch with knowing our patterns, they will start to loosen their strength and control over us.

And that is my dear friend, PRICELESS because freeing ourselves from the chains of our minds will be inevitable.

We matter enough to free ourselves from the unhealthy habits which have been holding us back from reaching our vast capacity.

We deserve to heal ourselves, and so, I know that we can accomplish what needs to be done to reach our goal of living a vaginismus free life.

Let’s stop asking what if, and start asking, when?

“Whatever you are not changing, you are CHOOSING.” Laurie Buchanan

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

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Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com