How To Boost Sex Drive When Experiencing Pain During Intercourse

How would you score your sex drive if you could use a scale of 0 to 10? I want you to answer this especially with relation to how it feels while living with vaginismus, dear.

It’s only natural you’d score low right? So, let’s find out how to boost sex drive when sex is especially difficult for us.

But before we get there, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

For me, my drive was so close to 0 before healing my vaginismus. Plus I still experience a low sex drive even after vaginismus from time to time…

There were even moments when I thought that I was into women when I didn’t feel sexually attracted toward any of the men. I did my best to focus on whether or not I was fantasizing about anything with women, but NOPE! I learned, that this was neither about men nor women; it was about my approach towards sex as a whole.

I had a massive aversion to sex when I was living with vaginismus.

Here is the thing dear, we tend to see sex as limited to the bedroom, but in reality, what we experience throughout the day, our beliefs, conditionings, and of course, experiences impact our approach to sex in that our sex drive is constantly impacted by our social context.

What this can mean is, our understanding of the different ways in which we can enjoy sex, is limited by the restricted knowledge we have of it in our day-to-day lives due to what we have learned about sex through taboo, misinformation and secrecy.

In this post, we are going to go through some tried and tested tricks to boosting that libido, because you deserve to enjoy sex

Oh and don’t forget! It is so important to consult your doctor to understand whether there are any medical reasons for your situation or not.

You can see what medical reasons might be in this ARTICLE. Check out my blog and subscribe to regular articles and updates like this one, which are packed with useful tips, exercises, and rules to follow during your healing process.

I invite you to follow these four steps to improve your sex drive when sex is hard for you!

#Step 1 Journal what sex means to you, especially while living with vaginismus

We can’t transform anything until we see it clearly.

So, put everything on the table without filtering or changing it.

When you have written down your thoughts, I invite you to read them through again.

This will help you reach a better understanding of yourself so that you can vividly transform the thoughts that don’t serve you, into ones that do!

A lot of us think or, used to think that:

Sex is ugly,
Sex is sin,
Sex is painful,
Sex is only for men,
Sex is your duty as a woman that you have to do for your partner.

Whatever you notice is rooted in your mind for whatever reason, is OK!

Maybe give yourself a bit of grace for what you’ve been through so far because obviously when there’s lots of negativity coded in our minds it’s hard to feel horny or to be in the mood for sex!

#Step 2 Think about the times you have wanted sex even though sex was still hard for you

Sex doesn’t have to be always with penetration, dear. There are millions of ways to thrive in the bedroom without penetration.

However, I understand that feeling of being “not complete” as a woman who lived with vaginismus when I could not enjoy penetration in sex.

We want to help ourselves rev up our sex drive to feel more motivated to overcome our condition, my dear.

So I encourage you to remember the last moment when you were in the mood, dear.

What circumstances were you in?
What was your emotional state?
How did you feel about yourself?

Come back to your life now and see what is different now, what might be lacking.

Perhaps, you’ll be familiar with some of the aspects I’ve described below which might be the reason for your low sex drive:

You feel anxious about another failed penetration attempt,
You are worried about disappointing your partner,
You are stressed about your body image and disconnected from your body,
You feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and so tired at the end of the day.

Keep writing them down till you don’t have anything more to add to the list.

Then follow step #3.

Step #3 Ask yourself what you need to improve your sex drive

Here are 2 powerful questions we get to ask ourselves:

How can I help myself right now?
What do I need right now?

As you see from the question, dear: The answer is WITHIN US!

Think about what you would recommend to a close friend of yours if she was in your shoes.

Put the same Compassionate Attitude Hat on, and answer the question for yourself.

Perhaps, the answer would be:

Communicate with your partner openly about how penetration attempts create anxiety in you, and to see sex more positively, you want to explore your partner and yourself without penetration for some time,
Connect with your body again:
- maybe put a beautiful essential oil on your body, mindfully on a regular basis,
- maybe massage different parts of your body,
- maybe placing your hand on or near your vulva, and just send your gratitude for her existence and telling her how much you understand her,
Reconnect with your partner and associate sex with more positivity
- Deepen your connection with your partner by having more quality time: maybe do exercises together, laugh, cuddle, watch a sunset, or just share the silence.
- Shifting the goal from having a baby or penetration to having an orgasm or just enjoying each other fully,

Remember that you don’t have to do it all at once, dear; implement it all, one by one, step by step, as best you can.

The goal is not to force, but instead to help ourselves with compassion and kindness, because at the heart of it, sex is for mutual pleasure.

And while living with vaginismus, you may get lost in questioning why you HAVE TO overcome something you don’t have any interest in.

So I challenge you at that point, to realize how working on our low sex drive will tremendously help with getting our healing back on track, not just to feel whole again, but to reconnect to our inner confidence!

I say this because you can and will overcome hurdles like this one as you tackle your difficulties on this healing journey, and you will need this as proof to yourself that you can do it!.

It’s a matter of seeing how we can help ourselves, always with kind and gentleness, cause no matter what, you deserve to be treated this way, dear!

“You have to believe that you deserve great things. You have to believe that you deserve to win each fight that you’re in. You have to believe that you deserve to become a champion.” Michael Chandler

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com