How Genuine Acceptance Can Help Heal Our Vaginismus

Accepting things as the way they are is a pivotal attitude to use, especially while healing our vaginismus, dear.

Here in this post, we’ll uncover more about the attitude of genuine acceptance and how it can be crucial on our vaginismus healing journey.

But before we get to how I faced my uncomfortable parts of myself and how I dealt with it, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

So, let’s start with what acceptance is!

What does genuine acceptance mean?

Acceptance is recognition, my dear friend. It means seeing whatever we experience as the way it is. However, this doesn’t mean that there is no way to change what we experience. Instead, it suggests that we can have a healthy relationship with our experiences.

So we’ve got to be open with ourselves as best we can because what we’ll accept isn’t always pleasant.

We might encounter hatred or anger, and even jealousy, which might be coded as “BAD” in our minds.

But as we train ourselves to accept things as they are, we start to have a very genuine relationship with what we witness within us: which leads to a more compassionate relationship!

That’s why we call genuine acceptance, dear.

So what happens then, when we don’t accept things as they are?

Here what Jonn Kabat-Zinn says about it:

” Unless we accept things as they are, we will try to force things to be, as they are not. And that can create an enormous amount of difficulty.”

We STRUGGLE!

Then we SUFFER!

Whenever we accept things, our relationship to what we are experiencing shifts within the moment.

Let’s say that you’re having difficulty

opening your legs while dilating,
allowing your partner to be in between your legs during intimacy,
or perhaps even touching your vulva.

Here’s the thing: We all have valid reasons to act like this, my dear friend!

If we don’t pay attention to what is happening as it is, then it is only natural to be haunted by questions such as:

But why?
Why me?
What is wrong with me?

To these, I’d say, WHY NOT, dear?

We might have reasons that we might not even know yet: they can come from something that happened during our childhood, from a very young age.

There are valid reasons to explain why we act in this way.

But, when we say “this is my experience right now”, then we automatically create a space between the experience and ourselves,

rather than getting lost in the questions listed above and becoming the experience itself.

It is important to remember that nothing is wrong to want to know the reason for what’s happening; it’s a common need for all of us human beings. We want to know;

Why do I fear pain?
Why am I having this resistance while dilating?
Why can’t I do the simplest thing in the world: Why can’t I have penetrative sex?

But be careful because the questions can go as far as asking:

What is wrong with me?

Why am I not normal?

And we already know what happens when we dwell on these questions! So if we don’t want to accept what you are experiencing within that very moment, the process of self-acceptance is distracted by:

questioning the situation,
hating it, then most likely hating ourselves,
We end up feeling frustrated, then giving up and ignoring our condition for YEARS potentially!

But if we can recognize what’s happening as it is at that very moment and say:

I fear pain, right now,
I am resisting dilating right now,

Then we are becoming more capable of diving deeper through asking the question of “How can I help myself right now?”.

Then your focus shifts from a victimizing mindset to a problem-solving mindset!

As you can see, the act of recognizing and accepting is a very ACTIVE PROCESS:

We recognize,
Then we focus on the experience,
And then we help ourselves solve it!

The lack of this attitude cost me 11 years, my dear friend.

I lived with vaginismus in complete ignorance!

I hated it!

I rejected it!

I pretended as though I didn’t have it!

And instead of empowering myself I waited, and waited, and waited!

I didn’t know that this was a very normal outcome of rejection, (which is the very opposite of acceptance).

It’s so NORMAL to tend to ignore the fear and emotions of whatever we experience while living with vaginismus.

But when we don’t see this tendency as it is, then it owns US; it holds us back from taking action:

to cure our vaginismus on our own,
to find support to help us overcome it,
and do the things that we’re supposed to be doing to heal our condition with consistency.

But how are we going to accept something that we hate?

A fair question, my dear!

First, we will learn how to recognize our hatred, and be more gentle towards ourselves by saying that it’s OK to feel this way!

Let’s start from there.

It may sound easy to say out loud, but not so to implement.

We’ve got to intentionally train our minds to cultivate this attitude, dear.

That’s why mindfulness practices are tremendously important in teaching us the attitude of acceptance with compassion and kindness.

Think of this as creating new habits that are serving us more, dear.

As it becomes more OK to be us: to think, and to feel and to sense in the way we naturally do, then TRANSFORMATION can begin, my dear.

It becomes much easier to be free from being owned by the fear, hatred, and anger that have controlled us for years and finally control them!

So, what do you want to see when you imagine yourself one year from now? Will you be waiting with hatred towards your vaginismus, or accepting your experience along the journey, by moving forward and focusing on overcoming it?

Which one, dear?

We’ll dive deeper into cultivating these attitudes and how to overcome our vaginismus in the upcoming workshop, dear.

Come and join me in this live workshop to get the answers for your journey. Here is the registration link: www.yeswecancure.com/onlineworkshop

“I can’t overestimate the importance of accepting ourselves exactly as we are right now, not as we wish we were or think we ought to be.” Pema Chödrön

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com