How Do We Face the Uncomfortable Parts of Ourselves While Living with Vaginismus

Today, in this post, I want to share a very personal experience; how I faced my shadow self which reminded me of the parts of myself which were incredibly uncomfortable to handle while living with vaginismus- and how I chose to deal with it.

Two days ago, my dear friend, I had a massive fight with my partner. It seemed to be over nothing when you look back at it, but there was still a point where it felt as though I had gone crazy. Now, I don’t get mad often, but when I do, I get furious! 😊

Even my head was shaking as though I had Parkinson’s from my anger!

It was a very subtle shake, but I could feel it rushing all over my body.

But before we get to how I faced my uncomfortable parts of myself and how I dealt with it, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

So let’s continue.

I felt so outraged, that I knew I had to remove myself from the moment. So I took my car for a drive along the highway;

I needed some time to reflect on what had just happened. I knew that when we react in such a massive way, there has to be something that triggered us very profoundly; I knew that I had to look within myself to understand what it was about me, that was so reactive to the situation.!

This might be true for the triggers we have especially while living with vaginismus, because we have tonnes of triggers, don’t we?

Even though I had cured my condition, the familiar thought patterns from when I had been living with vaginismus reappeared.

I can talk a lot about my triggers but with this particular trigger, I just saw red and went wild with my anger.

When my loved ones shake their finger at me in the middle of a discussion, with an aggressive body language, I take it very personally, and automatically feel humiliated and weak, which brings about all my insecurities and is the reason why I react so MASSIVELY!

Rather than saying from a very grounded place: “Hey, this is not acceptable for me. I can not allow you to talk to me in this way”, get so caught up in my emotions, that I feel as though I go crazy.

Feeling weak was something that I was constantly haunted by while experiencing my life with vaginismus: CONSTANTLY!

And although I didn’t feel as weak as I did when I had vaginismus, I still reacted in the same habitualized way, dear!

While it seemed as though I was strong from the outside, inside, I was always struggling with feeling as though I was weak, and it was very challenging for me. I could never find peace because I was spending so much energy trying to reject the thought that “I am weak!”.

That is why I was so enraged when something reminded me of this rejected old thought.

Have you ever noticed this happening when something you don’t want to accept having in your life is triggered?

One of the takeaways I had from this experience, is that my old habit of fearing weakness within me, the other takeaway appeared to me while I was driving away from the fight.

Let me give you an insight into the second insight I had from this experience.😊

I used to have these inner thoughts whenever I had to have difficult conversations with my loved ones, that would use my health to punish them for hurting my feelings.

A while ago, I had fibroids in my womb which were 4.5 centimeters in diameter. I remember while I was talking to my dad about this, a voice in my head said, “you’ll see Dad, this fibroid is going to grow to 10 centimeters, and then you’ll be sorry!”

This was one of many similar inner thoughts that I had while living with vaginismus dear, can you relate?

Look at how easily I would sacrifice my health, how easily I would undervalue myself in order to cope with difficult moments. It even became a HABIT!

The thing is, our inner thoughts are so precious because they tell us what we think about ourselves.

But let’ get back to the story: while I was driving these old thinking patterns came up, and I am sure you can see how dangerous they can be.

I found myself saying, “if I go faster, have an accident, he’ll feel sad about me, and then he’ll understand, then he will hear what I was saying! ” It might sound ridiculous now, but it was so real at the time!

My need was for me to feel heard by him, however, it was me that was not yet available to listen.

At that moment, I had two choices right in front of me:

Let my old thought patterns control me, and push the pedal.
or, recognizing this thinking habit as it is and being gentle toward myself!

Of course, as you can guess, I chose the second one (phew!) 😊

I needed a warm hug at that moment; I needed care so badly, so I gave it to myself. It came from a genuine space of acceptance, my dear, and we all have this potential!

I said with intention in my heart: “It’s okay to think this way. It’s okay to feel this way. Let it be, let it be, it’s going to be alright.”

It was a very gentle and compassionate perspective that I needed most at this particular moment.

When we look closely, our habits say a lot about us; what we need to cultivate is:

#1 Gently becoming aware of the thinking patterns that are not serving us

#2 Recognizing our habitualized behaviors as they are and accepting them by being kind to ourselves

#3 Not being controlled by these habits but allowing them to pass through us without any attachment to them.

My dear, we have got to practice being more compassionate towards ourselves! That’s why mindfulness and our loving and kindness practices are tremendously important in our vaginismus healing journey!

When I took the time to reflect I realized that I had suppressed a lot of emotions over the last couple of weeks. So my anger came out like this to show my need in a big way!

That’s why recognizing our behavioural patterns and then asking this valuable question of “how can I help myself with this” is incredibly transformative.

In this case, my dear friend, I needed to be heard!

And, I wanted to be able to express my emotions more openly and non-violently.

Our triggers teach us something, and they will always continue to come up, some rarer than others, what is important, is the way we perceive them.

Ask yourself these critical questions:

Am I going to see these triggers but not allow them to control me or get lost in them and allow them to control me?
Am I going to give them more weight by attaching stories and believing in them?
or am I going to be aware of my triggers, the stories that can come with them, comforting myself by saying that it’s OK to think and feel however I think and feel at the moment, rather than judging myself for having them?

We all have shadow sides that we don’t want to admit to having, but it’s perfectly okay to have them.

They are there to teach us something.

And now, I encourage you to ask yourself this question: what is your shadow side?

What is it about yourself that makes you uncomfortable to face, dear?

And then ask, when you meet it again, is there any way to be more gentle to yourself?

If you want to connect to discuss how you can overcome your vaginismus condition with me, send an email to petek@yeswecancure.com so that we can see how I can support you in this journey.

“Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.” Roy T. Bennett

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

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Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com