I lived and worked in a farm for 10 weeks as an intern.
I was totally out of my comfort zone.
Never worked in a farm, even never stayed in a farm that long.
I was constantly getting triggered from each moment.
As I remember we were 4 women and 16 men. Most of those men were young, at their 20-25’s.
According to all of us as women, they often were willing to perform or show how they can lift heavy things up or carry, how they can be fast, even more fast than before; very much goal, speed, strength oriented farm, and many men acting in that way so.
That also might be our interpretation as women 😊
Getting out of my comfort zone and staying in it brought the best outcome in my life.
That period of my life was too hard, very challenging but at the same time very EVOLVING.
Cause I was facing with my pattern of believes, thoughts E V E R Y S I N G L E M O M E N T!
There were 2 women talking in my mind!
One was going like: “Ah Petek, you’re a WOMAN! YOU CAN’T DO THAT.
Don’t EVEN TRY, you’re gonna fail, don’t embarrass yourself,” the other one was saying:
“So what! You’re a woman yes! And you can do it! Just try, it’s ok not being able to lift it up, but JUST GIVE IT A TRY.”
The other one was going like “just ask the man next to you, HE CAN DO IT!”
Finally, most of the time the empowering woman was taking over the huge discussion.
Even it was lifting the lightest thing in the World, “hay.”
I mean, 5 years old kid can lift it up even, but my mind was dominating my body, not letting it move; just freezing it.
I can tell you if somebody recorded me at those moments, that’d be very obvious that I was in my mind having self-talks, moving in slow motion, going back and forth.
That facing with my labels on “BEING WOMAN” was very TIRING but very ENCOURAGING at the same time.
Cause I didn’t know that voice could be that dominant and that constant.
So not being aware of it was IMPOSSIBLE.
The power of being aware of the pattern of thoughts is the half way of letting them go.
I had the first sexual intercourse without pain in that farm. And that my friends, was the epic moment in my life.
Not because of the sex itself, because of becoming lighter, feeling of becoming me myself, because of feeling “COMPLETE.”