Hey lovely, have you found that it is difficult to express your sexuality when you are dealing/coping with vaginismus. 

Here in this post, I talk about how it was helpful for me to be able to express my sexuality and my suppressed feelings over it on my overcoming vaginismus journey.

The reality is, we are borne from sexuality, and yet sex is such a taboo subject to talk about.

We tend to ignore it, suppress it, avoid talking about it. 

Because there are so many stigmas around appearing too sexy, showing too much skin, and appearing like a provocative bitch.

Can you relate to that?

Yet we are afraid to; 

• look like TOO MUCH! 
• to be judged by others!

So our sexuality might become a threat to us. Then what we tend to do is to shut it down as best we can. 

The more we suppress it, the more we tend to feel insecure though.

⭐️We might start believing that we can live a sexless life after all, so it becomes easier not to take action on healing the vaginismus. 

(Which is fine if we say it from a calm and genuine place, but if it comes with a lot of tension, then we better look closer to it)

⭐️Or the idea of penetrative sex or any intimacy might end up with it, can be very irritating for us. Then we might cultivate fear towards intimacy. 

I want to share a bit of my story with you so that you can see how our minds amazingly adapt to anything and make us believe some very strange things.

Do you know what was so ironic when I had my vaginismus?

While I was living with vaginismus, I was choosing men whom I was not sexually attracted to so that I was safe enough not to get to close my sexuality, yet I was constantly expressing that I wanted to overcome vaginismus. 

How could I overcome it without willing to understand my sexuality, my sensuality?

In my case, I didn’t genuinely want to overcome it till I turned 30!
You can read my story here.

• I didn’t want to feel my sexuality,
• I didn’t want to feel like a woman,
• I didn’t want to get any man into my life that I was sexually attracted to and reminding me of my sexuality.

I’m not saying it’s the same for you but I kindly invite you to observe your attitude towards your relation with vaginismus.

I’d highly recommend you to write down what you don’t want to be and what vaginismus is for you.

I genuinely think that we need to acknowledge what vaginismus means to us and create a space to express it openly in a safe environment. 

Wherever this environment for you: it can be an online community or local community, it is important to find somewhere you can share and learn from others going through a similar journey to you. 😊

Here I talk more about the power of community: “You feel very lonely with vaginismus because it’s very embarrassing”

So how did I create that safe space for me to get much more comfortable with my relation to vaginismus?

I found my space on a farm, first in Sweden, then in Thailand. The farm in Thailand was where I met my current partner. 

I enrolled in 2 building courses: building a house and building a bathroom. 

I wanted to have space for myself cause deep down I knew that

• it would be much more helpful for me to find a community where I could feel much safer, 
• I needed to be out of my comfort zone to discover myself more!
• I needed more TIME TO OBSERVE myself; my mind, my feelings, my body!

So I planned to attend to those 2 building courses and keeping on volunteering for some more time, then continue to travel to unknown for the rest of my off time😊 

Even “the unknown part” of travel was a bit challenging for me, the challenge was accepted! 😊 

The 2nd course was “Women’s Natural Building Course” which meant that building a house without any help from men!

(You can check it out from here to get to know more about these courses if you are interested also)

What?

Yes, that was my first reaction also when I saw the name!

It was a way too much more than teaching skills about building a house to us women, it was very empowering; 

• allowing us to accept ourselves as we are, 
• acknowledging our limits and respecting them, rather than
  • fighting against them, 
  • or letting them get us down.

The age range of students in the course varied from 2 to 60 years old, we could all see that we were different in many ways and yet we were very powerful together and individually at the same time. 

We built an adobe house without a roof in just 10 days as 20 women! 

At the end of the course, each of us was crying in the women circle. 

We cried because NONE OF US genuinely believed that we could build it without a single man! 

But we did it! 

Here is the thing: because we don’t think that we can do it as women alone, then we automatically leave the tasks to the men before even trying because of our lack of confidence. 

That is why the course was so empowering because it taught us about our strength despite the doubts we had.

Sometimes we just need the courage to take massive action, then confidence comes afterward but not vice versa!

So what would help you discover yourself more, right now?

I met amazing women at the natural building course. On my first day, I met a single mother.

I became obsessed with having my children at the time.  

There were these thoughts in my mind that went something like:

• I was missing out on Life! 
• I was behind!
• I needed to hurry up!

But according to WHO, right? That was my habit of “comparison”. 

She was the first person that I could open up to about my sexuality, she gave me a book. 

It was The Heroine’s Journey. 

That book had been traveling from one woman to another. Finally, it found me and opened my heart a lot! And it continues to travel to heal other hearts!

She asked me to write a manifestation every single day!

Then I started, and do you know what I wrote instead of wishing for a baby? 

I wrote:

Hey lovely woman!

• You are worth it,
• You are loveable,
• You can love,
• You can trust,
• You can open your heart,
• You are strong,
• You are allowed to be weak,
• You are enough.

Then I met the partner I am with now. Literally within 2 months!

I’m not talking about magic here. 

I shared this story with you because when I started manifesting EVERY SINGLE DAY I reminded my capacity to myself.

It was kind of a compassionate hug from myself to myself!

Take a look at Manifestation Babe to get to know more about that.

Those were my manifestations, what would yours be?

Why did manifestation work for me?

#1st: I was in a very safe environment; surrounded by people with an attitude which encouraged 

• compassion, 

• kindness, 
• openness, 
• embracing each other and ourselves, 
• allowing yourself to be yourself!

This is how I began to accept myself.

#2nd: I was meditating every day.

I did this because I became more aware of:  

• what was happening in my mind, 
• what my limiting beliefs were, 
• what my old thinking patterns were,

So that I could get to know myself more.

#3rd: I learned to trust myself by; 

• manifesting every single day!
• saying “Yes” to challenges, like attending that building course,
• seeing and getting to love myself more!

Imagine how it feels to be very secure within your sexuality. You appreciate your wholeness. You get to know yourself and genuinely love yourself.

You see the self-power in you!

You see that vaginismus doesn’t mean anything more than being just a condition for you. 

You see that you can overcome it!

All because you made the effort to get to know yourself more! 

Now ask yourself: if it’s not now, then when dear?

 

“You are what you want to become. Why search anymore? You are a wonderful manifestation. The whole universe has come together to make your existence possible. There is nothing that is not you. The kingdom of God, the Pure Land, nirvana, happiness, and liberation are all you.” Thich Nhat Hanh

 

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail. 

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com