How to Know What We Need to Do to Heal Vaginismus

Do you ever ask yourself what would help you better understand and know more about what you need to do to overcome your vaginismus, dear?

It’s a question we all ask ourselves over and over again. Especially at the beginning of our healing journey.

We tend to look for the answers from the outside, when in fact, they are within us; finding them is just a matter of asking!

In this blog post, we’ll work together to connect with ourselves to get the answers we need!

But before we get there, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Overcoming Guide based on my personal experience and research!

Let’s begin, shall we?

But first, I invite you to get some paper and a pen, because we are going to go through some questions together which I want you to think about and write down as they are asked. 😊

We are going to start with taking inventory of our resources.

When you focus on what your resources are, you will be able to see what you need.

We tend to focus on what we don’t have, so this time let’s flip it the other way around and focus on what we have first!

Let’s divide our sheet of paper into six sections with the following headlines marking each box :

Start with listing your RESOURCES on the top of your page;

My Attitudes
My Support System
My Source of Nourishment

And then underneath ask;

What do I experience while healing/Living with vaginismus?
What do I need?
What is my action plan?

Then fill up each box with the thoughts that come to mind when you think about them. Dump all of your ideas onto the page, without thinking about them too much. I mean it! Dump them! Just let yourself express!

If you struggle with filling them up, or even knowing where to begin, distract yourself with something else, maybe read the rest of this blog post for ideas, and then have a go again. Those ideas will come, don’t worry, dear.

So let’s unpack our boxes shall we dear?

#1 What are my resources?

These are the foundations from where your mindset and approach towards your healing journey are formed my friend. They can be formed through three branches; your attitude, support system, and source of nourishment.

My Attitudes

What attitudes do you already have?

Perhaps, you are:

a good listener,
compassionate towards others,
self-compassionate from time to time,
a disciplined person when you believe in what you do and why you do it,
passionate, ambitious when you feel a connection with what you do,
sensitive and emphatic,

Be generous with the words you use to describe yourself, dear!

If you have difficulty finding them, ask loved ones to describe the attitudes they have seen within you. Notice how much more you have to offer than you’d initially thought!

My Support System

These are the people who are there for you, who support you.

We can often take what we have for granted, some of us only understand what these people mean to us when they are gone. This exercise is intended to encourage you to make a bold and clear list of all the people who support you in your life, and this list is not limited to just people, dear, ask yourself who and what your support looks like;

The relationships you cherish with friends and family,
The love you share with your partner (if you have one),
The peers at work, or the flexibility of your schedule,
Or maybe it can look like financial independence or capacity to create it

What are the different elements in your life that support you?

Who are the people in your life that want you to be genuinely happy?

Name them, and be specific as best you can.

If you have difficulty listing them, take your time, come back to the list after a moment of reflection, connect to the memories of when you were supported, then write them down and see that you are not alone dear.

What are my sources of nourishment? What activities nourish you, dear?

What helps bring you back to the present moment?

What reminds you of the extensive power in and around you?

Is it when you go walking in the woods and feel amazed by nature?
Or, when you are meditating, reading, singing, or dancing?
Is it inspiring to feel connected to your loved ones?

Spend some time really thinking about where you find your inspiration.

Once you discover what your resources are, then we can focus on what we feel while healing vaginismus.

#2 What Do You Experience While Healing Vaginismus?

What we are going to do here is shift our mindset from one that is victimized into a decision-making one by diagnosing what happens first.

By doing this, we practice being an observer of rather than identifying with our feelings!

So, let’s map out what we experience while trying to heal vaginismus.

Perhaps it’s something like:

Not knowing where to start from,
Not being sure whether or not you are on the right track,
Not knowing why you do what you do,
Feeling frustrated and wanting to quit,
Feeling inconsistent.

Ask yourself ”what are the challenges I face while healing vaginismus on my own?”, dear?

#3 What Do You Need to Heal Vaginismus?

When you look at your resources and your experiences, what is missing there, dear?

Imagine yourself as a loved one and think of what you would see and say to her to help her.

What are the gaps do you see?

What are her needs? Are they the need for;

guidance?
accountability, support?
an understanding of the reasons for why she would want to overcome vaginismus to feel more connected with what she is supposed to do to heal it?
learning how to handle challenging emotions?
trusting in someone who believes in her so that she can feel empowered?
knowing more about her anatomy so that she is not lost in fear?
help reconnecting with her body?

What would you say to her?

The answer is within you, dear. Practice what you would say to her, and learn what you need to hear for yourself.

#4 What Is Your Action Plan to Move Forward?

Have you thought about what your action plan would look like?

I have developed a guide for overcoming vaginismus for you to use where you get to read about my personal experience for overcoming vaginismus here: www.yeswecanhealtogether.com/guide

Reading about the stories of other women in your position is one of the first steps. Finding an understanding doctor who acknowledges vaginismus and can diagnose it correctly is the number one action, dear.

If you have been diagnosed with vaginismus already, then think of whether or not you can meet your needs on your own.

If your answer is “YES, definitely”, or “Yes, I would like to give it a try!”, then I’d ask you what your action plans are for your healing process.

There has to be a guide in front of us to feel as though we are on the right track whenever we feel lost.

To feel lost is inevitable, but not allowing this feeling to control our healing is a skill that we can learn, dear.

You can learn more about how to do this in our free Support Group, where I share tools and tips for how to overcome your condition.

So, what are your plans?

Are you going to be dilating every day?

Ok then, at what time exactly? Let’s be very specific!
How will you remember to do it?
When your mood is low, what would help you avoid postponing it?
- Could it be writing a note on your wall to remind you WHY you want to overcome vaginismus?
- Would it be helpful to set the alarm every day to do it?
Would it be helpful to create a morning routine to start your day more fresh and energetic?

Is it getting help from someone you trust?
- Who can this person be?
- When are you planning to connect with them?
- What are the skills that this person needs to have to make you feel safe, understood?
- Have you scheduled your appointment with them?

Here is the thing: whenever you write an action plan, dive into it;

give a specific time for you to take action,
define the task and people as best you can,
remind yourself of it every day!

There is no way to do this without making sure you have someone to support and hold you accountable for your plans. How do I know? Well, from my own experience of waiting for over ten years before finally asking myself these key questions.

It took so long to move forward, dear. I was too lost in identifying myself with my emotions, that I lost sight of the need to share and work together with your resources in order to make meaningful action towards overcoming your condition.

But we can learn from these experiences!

We don’t have to allow the difficulties of vaginismus to control our path, dear!

We can overcome vaginismus, and we can start doing it NOW! All you need to do is reach out to the people who can help you heal.

So, what does your action plan look like, dear?

Maybe you only know the first action, what is it?

I’d love to hear more about it and I’m only an email away, so reach out, get in touch: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com

“All the answers to questions you’ll ever ask can be found within you. Just simply ask and wait.” Eugene Butler

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com

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