How To Deal With Difficulties of Gynecological Examination

It’s NORMAL to have difficulties during the gynecological examination, especially while we live with vaginismus.

In this post, we’ll uncover how to deal with them and what to expect from doctors, so that we can prepare ourselves with helpful attitudes. To dive into talking about how to deal with them, let’s begin with defining them, dear.

But before we get there, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

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Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Overcoming Guide based on my personal experience and research!

Shall we continue, dear?

What are the feelings and thoughts that you might experience when you enter a clinic or an examination room?

For some of us, even thinking about it now might be creating tension in our minds and bodies.

Sometimes just thinking about going to a doctor may stir up certain experiences such as;

You may feel like crying, vomiting, or fainting,
You may feel anxious, worried, and frustrated,
You may feel very small and unimportant.

These feelings might be manifested in your body through uncontrollable shaking, contractions, hot sweats, and even feeling out of breath.

Inevitably you may end up feeling embarrassed or blaming yourself for not being NORMAL!

I completely feel you, dear, I’ve been there! But let’s put our labels of what being NORMAL is aside and give a bit more space for our experience to be safe as it is.

First of all, whatever you experience in the build-up to going to and meeting with a doctor DOES NOT REPRESENT YOU in any form or shape, dear; rather it’s one of the consequences of VAGINISMUS.

But how do we make sure that these feelings do not control us?

Read on to get 4 steps that I personally use to make my experience with visiting doctors a safe space!

Step #1 Paying attention to how you experience the moment before and during the gyno exam

Defining what we experience within each moment by bringing attention to our bodily sensations is the key to not getting lost in our anxiety, dear.

This is why when we practice mindfulness, we are cultivating skills to navigate the difficulties of living with vaginismus, while also learning where to start applying these skills in order to heal it.

Again, it’s incredibly OK to feel whatever emotions we tend to feel but labeling them as best we can and exploring where we experience them in our bodies is tremendously helpful, dear.

So let’s say that we notice;

our legs are shaking,
our arms and hands are restless,
our shoulders and belly feel tight.

By just saying to ourselves “this is OK!” we can cultivate a very soothing force within us!

If for some reason, defining our feelings and exploring them within our bodies is difficult, we just need to take a deep inhale and long exhale two or three times to allow the magical practice to have its effect on us.

During the exhalation, we can bring our focus to intentionally relaxing our shoulders and belly, as well as softening our legs and arm as best we can, dear. This will help regulate our nervous system, dear.

Step #2 Communicating clearly about what you have been through to lead up to this moment

What we’ve been through is not easy, dear.

And it’s not just YOU; many women find gynecological examinations difficult too!

For me, it’s still not a comfortable experience, and sometimes I still feel like fainting during the examination, even though I overcame my vaginismus, dear.

The important thing is to give enough credit for what we’ve been through up until that moment and then communicating about it openly.

For instance, it was and is still difficult for me to do a blood test; you could say that I don’t have a good relationship with needles! 😊

I’m thirty-nine, but when I need to give blood, I feel nine! Still!

So, whenever I enter a lab, I tell the nurse this:

I have a phobia of needles.
I’m 39, but I feel nine right now!
I might faint,
Please be kind to me!

Let’s break down what I did there;

First, I define what I have,
then share how I feel,
and then explain what might happen to avoid any unexpected situation for the nurse to deal with, in order for me to feel more comfortable and trusting in our relationship
Lastly, I ask for what I need at that moment.

Step #3 Being very open about what your needs are

I invite you to repeat after me:

“My needs are way more important than what others think of me during my medical examinations”

“I am worthy of having my needs met during medical examinations”

If the doctors or nurses judge us, that is on THEM, dear, NOT ON US!

If they do judge you then they get to work on themselves! 😊. And also, keep in mind, these people are professionals dear, they see people like us in the thousands throughout their career, so for the most part, they do not care about judging us, as much as they do care about doing their job!

So, let’s focus on understanding our needs, dear.

What is it for you?

Perhaps you need to hear that it’s OK to feel or act this way,
Or you need to be sure that the doctor will stop during the examination whenever you ask them to,
Or maybe you need to get a glass of water before the examination.
Or you need to have a one minute break.

Take some time to ask yourself what do you need most?

Step #4 Practicing self-compassion particularly after the examination

We might be hard on ourselves, especially after our examination, which discourages us from finding another doctor if it felt like we were not connected with the existing one, or even going to our follow up consultation in the future.

Saying;

“It’s OK to experience whatever I experienced during the examination”

is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, dear.

You need to remind yourself, that you accept yourself! Being in a safe place, knowing that there is no judgment is priceless!

And that is how you can reach and practice self-compassion!

Alongside all of these steps, finding an understanding, and an empathetic doctor will ease the whole process.

Being loving, kind, empathetic, and listening whole-heartedly to your needs are fundamental yet difficult habits and attitudes to have, my dear friend.

This will help you find the right doctor for you! Because it is essential to see their lack of such habits and attitudes as separate from you, their lack is not yours dear, and it is essential that you find the right doctor for you!

Here is the thing, when we can move on from getting stuck on how we are not NORMAL, we can also practice being loving, kind, and understanding towards ourselves, because that my dear friend, is how we DESERVE TO BE TREATED!

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”

Maya Angelou

You can download my free vaginismus overcoming guide from here if you haven’t yet.

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Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com