How to Dilate On Our Own While We Can Not Even Look Down There

The truth is in order to dilate on our own, we’ve got to know where our vaginal entry is, dear. As a woman who had vaginismus, I know that it can be a huge challenge to do that when looking there can be a challenge in itself!

Sometimes opening our legs, looking at our vulva, and then touching there can be a HUGE STRUGGLE for us, but it’s SO NORMAL, dear.

In this blog, we will uncover what attitudes we need to have towards dilation to help ourselves to overcome vaginismus.

First and foremost, if we need support for that, we’ve got to remind ourselves of our power and have the courage to find support dear one.

Here is the thing: if we want to do it on our own, it’s important to know that the process itself is very precious because how we approach it is simply mirroring how we approach our life.

But before we get to how I faced my uncomfortable parts of myself and how I dealt with it, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

So, let’s get back on track!

If you find yourself:

rushing things and being very impatient,
not focusing on the journey itself but rather the destination,
avoiding how you feel about things but just trying to get them done

then you might see the similarities between your daily life and your dilating process, such as:

not even being able to look at your vulva and blindly placing your dilator somewhere down there and just pushing forward,
not being able to focus on your sensations while dilating and instead of feeling very frustrated for not being able to insert it fully,
pushing the dilator against the pain.

Here are some points that I want to share with you that you’ve got be able to do before starting to dilate:

#1 Opening your legs out comfortably is the key to dilating

Let’s dive into what I mean by opening the legs, dear. These are some examples of how to practice the postures you could possibly use;

Lie down on your back while on your bed or mattress,
Bend your knees and place your feet hip-distance apart,
Drop your knees to the side, to create a diamond shape with your legs,
Bring the soles of your feet together as closely as you can

When you get in the pose, feel free to do these so:

support your legs and place cousins as high as you need under your knees so you won’t feel so much tension in your groin and inner thigh area,

walk your feet forward with knees still bent till you feel more comfortable,
support your upper body and lower back with cousins.

Once you are in the pose, check-in with yourself to y relax your legs and belly. If you feel the tension in your groin and inner thighs, it’s good to support your legs with more cousins and be very generous with your time to find the right posture for dilation. Don’t rush the process, you aren’t alone in this struggle!

#2 Being able to find your vaginal entry is crucial to dilate

I completely understand if you have difficulty with that, dear.

Again: IT’S SO NORMAL to struggle with this step when we have vaginismus. That’s why it’s tremendously important to get support from people who help individuals with vaginismus when this step takes too much time and becomes your reason for feeling unmotivated, dear.

And as a quick note: It’s a MUST, to get a diagnosis for vaginismus by a doctor to be sure that there are no abnormalities in your genital area.

So let’s get back to finding your opening!

For me, it was hard to find my vaginal opening when I looked down at my vulva from the top because there are flaps of skin around the peeing area which hide the opening from this point of view; that’s why I recommend you do it the other way.

When you look at your vulva from the bottom up, you’ll see:

Your anus, where you poo from,
A little skin area called the perineum (the length of it can vary in each vulva)
Next door to the perineum, a tiny hole called the vaginal opening.

That’s your beautiful vaginal entry, dear!

It doesn’t look like a huge opening, which is normal, but there is a considerable capacity of it, dear. Think of this as the potential your body can have during dilation.

We are training our vaginal muscles to restore its capacity by using dilators.

Here what Sara Reardon, DPT, a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist says about vaginal dilators:

“Using vaginal dilators can help retrain the vaginal wall muscles to relax and promote blood flow to the area to help decrease pain.”

(You can see the full article from here: https://www.insider.com/how-to-treat-vaginismus)

Imagine your vagina as something similar to your mouth, not knowing where your opening would mean sometimes you can try force food through your cheek, instead of the opening located right next to it.

That is why sometimes it feels like there is a wall or blockage there, so pushing against it could make you experience pain, dear.

When we experience dilating like this, we would inevitably end up feeling :

Unmotivated,
Discouraged,
Frustrated

Therefore, learning where you need to insert your dilator is as important as learning where to place a spoonful of food when you are hungry!

#3 Rushing the first steps and jumping to dilation could cost you time

It will cost you time dear, FOR SURE! And our life is so PRECIOUS, my friend! Let’s be wise about how we use it!

SO, how do we avoid rushing the first steps of dilation when we have already had difficulties with them, right?

We’ve got to learn how to :

Explore our difficulties:

- What are the worst-case scenarios around the difficulty in our minds?
- How are we reacting automatically to these scenarios: mentally, emotionally, bodily?

Then being able to stay with them instead of willing to change them immediately.

By being mindful of this, then, we can transform our difficulties for the better, dear, and then start to dilate!

We get to practice mindfulness and loving & kindness practices to cultivate more wholesome qualities such as contentment, resilience, self-worth, compassion, patience that support us not only in our vaginismus healing journey but also in our precious life.

So, rather than focusing on the destination, we learn to focus on the journey itself, which has many challenges and struggles that we can only grow from.

It’s similar to our vaginismus healing journey; rather than only focusing on dilating, and worrying about our difficulties before even dilating, we’ve got to learn from them in order to transform our reactions toward them to help us be more resilient, content, patient, compassionate, as a result of it all, a happier person eventually, my dear friend!

You are worthy of feeling in this way!

Still, in doubt, get in contact with me here: petek@yeswecancure.com

“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” Max Ehrmann

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com