What To Do When We Are Unmotivated To Dilate While Living With Vaginismus

Dilating is one of the main components for healing our vaginismus, yet it’s highly challenging to be consistent on it.

Here in this post, we’ll uncover why we might feel unmotivated and how we will not allow this feeling to stop us from dilating!

Let’s be honest, my dear, dilating is not fun AT ALL, especially when we are highly sensitive and reactive to inserting anything into our vagina because of vaginismus! That’s THE FACT!

But here is the thing, it doesn’t have to be FUN, JOYFUL or COMFORTABLE!

We’ve got to do it either way, but obviously, we need some techniques for it! Cause when we look at the reality, we’ll encounter this feeling at any point of our vaginismus healing journey.

But before we get to how I faced my uncomfortable parts of myself and how I dealt with it, are you new here? Then you’ll have to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Heal Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Oh and, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Pelvic Floor Exercise Guide!

So, let’s begin!

Whenever we encounter any feeling that drags us down, that’s our opportunity to learn from it!

#Step 1 When we feel unmotivated to dilate, that’s when we’ve got to pause for a moment and explore this experience

Asking these questions can help us explore it on a deeper level:

Whenever we encounter pain while dilating, reflect on these question:

What are your arising thoughts? How do you speak to yourself in that very moment: word by word, be exact.
How do you react to pain: are you aggressive towards it or do you investigate it with curiosity to find out where exactly it is?
What do you have an urge to do: are you trying
- Remove that thing causing you pain as soon as possible?
- Push forward against the pain?
- Or, have a laser focus on relaxing the other parts of your body?
How do you end up feeling?
- Frustrated,
- Overwhelmed,
- Hate and self-loathing,
- Or encouraged and accomplished.

This is where we should always start from, dear: beginning with what’s happening precisely in that particular moment, as best we can!

We can not transform anything unless we look at them closely, my dear!

#Step 2 Accepting and normalizing the reason why we feel unmotivated to dilating

First and foremost, it’s OK to feel unmotivated, dear.

What we’ve got to observe is what causes this demotivation. We do this through digging into our thought patterns more and more.

When we explore our demotivation by being honest and open with ourselves, it’ll be easier to accept it and move forward.

If speak to yourself very aggressively while dilating by saying things such as

I’ll never do it!
I am such a failure!
It’s going to be very painful!
I can’t do it!

Then, it’s obvious that you don’t want to experience the same thing ever again!

It is ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE to feel motivated while putting ourselves down like this.

Suppose you find yourself pushing the dilator forward against the pain, rather than pausing there and exploring the pain with curiosity while relaxing your body as best you can. In that case, your mind will associate dilating with pain, FOR SURE.

And again it’s apparent that you don’t want to experience the same thing ever again!

So giving some accountability to your experience is incredibly important, dear! There’s got to be some reasons for feeling unmotivated because it’s fair to feel like that!

#Step 3 Connecting with our WHY is crucial: Why do I want to overcome my vaginismus?

While answering this question, we can count tonnes of reasons, right? They can include all sorts of wishes, such as;

Having penetrative sex with your partner,
Satisfying your partner,
Or consummating your marriage,
Being able to undergo gyno examinations,
Or using a tampon or menstrual cups

But none of them would cover these reasons completely if we don’t also talk about the inner feelings which we’ll have after overcoming vaginismus.

I’m talking about feelings like:

Wanting to be complete,
To be enough,
Not a failure anymore,
Being freed,
Feeling lighter,
Feeling like a woman

Connecting with our WHY through examining our feelings will support us in a more profound sense whenever we feel unmotivated in our journey, my dear! They will help us keep motivated, and be more friendly towards the pain we encounter by reminding us why we are doing what we are doing in the first place.

#Step 4 Setting intentions and repeating them before dilating will help us remember our power

Just before dilating, following these steps will help you prepare yourself with greater strength to get through your practice, my dear:

sit in silence for only 2 min with closed eyes, or lowering your gaze toward the ground, choose whatever makes you most comfortable.
at the end of the sitting, bring your palms together in front of your chest, bowing your head towards your hands,
then repeat your intentions in silence or aloud by using present tense rather than future tense while repeating them:
- I’m the decision-maker of my life and not a victim of it!
- I dilate by connecting with MY WHY!
- Every dilation is a new experience. I’m curious about how I’ll experience it today.
- I’m aware of my every moment while dilating; so whenever I encounter any burning or stinging sensations, I can pause and give laser focus on the other parts of my body to relax them, then push the dilator forward.

Position yourself, then begin! See how you experience dilating this time.

It sounds simple but not easy to implement focusing on our sensations during dilation especially when the sensation itself triggers our feelings of frustration or fear, right?

That’s why I use mindfulness practices while helping my clients with vaginismus before getting into the dilation process.

Even if you haven’t tried anything with mindfulness practices yet, the steps that I recommend support and improve your dilating experience a lot, my dear.

Click HERE for your exclusive 2 min guided sitting meditation with setting intention practice.

Let’s implement these practices right now: not tomorrow, not one week later, not when you feel more motivated. NOW, because you can, and I believe in you!

Let’s do it together because:

you deserve to attain your WHY!
And YOU MATTER!

my lovely friend.

“You are what you want to become. Why search anymore? You are a wonderful manifestation. The whole universe has come together to make your existence possible. There is nothing that is not you. The kingdom of God, the Pure Land, nirvana, happiness, and liberation are all you.” Thich Nhat Hanh

If you want to dilate more confidently, then you can check out our Confident Dilation Workshop which will walk you through all the steps of dilation.

E-mail: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com

Pin2

2 Shares