Why Can Our Loved Ones’ Words Have a Devastating Impact On Us Especially During Our Vaginismus Healing Journey?

Have you ever thought about why our loved ones’ words might have a devastating impact on us, especially when we are living with vaginismus?

I don’t mean being disagreed with or having a different point of view or, even disliking the way they say things. When dealing with our healing journey, loved ones’ words can impact us so much that their words burn under our skin.

Sometimes forcing us to question our relationship with them, and even our existence.

How can these words cause our mood swings?

How do these people have the power to put us into these moods?

Today, we are going to answer those burning questions and also uncover how we can transform our responses to those words.

But before that, are you new here? Then you’ll want to check out these other helpful blogs that I’ve written to help you overcome your condition.

and of course, you should join our EXCLUSIVE Facebook Community “Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together” by clicking here!

Lastly, you can download here your FREE Vaginismus Cure Guide based on my personal experience and research!

So, shall we begin, dear?

Why do our loved ones’ words have such a devastating impact on us?

I want to share one significant moment in my life with you.

When I first moved to Thailand to live with my partner, we had had a couple of fights that impacted me a lot.

During one fight I became so outraged, that I eventually needed to remove myself and went outside.

That moment is still so bright in my mind!

I sent a voice message to one of my closest friends full of anger. My whole body, head included, was shaking.

While in this state, she posed a remarkable question to me;

First, she let me know that she understood where I was coming from, she had heard me, and that was incredibly important for me to hear.

Then she said, “I understand you Petek, but why did it impact you that much? What is it that deeply touches your heart?”

I paused.

My heartbeat got back to normal. I was no longer shaking.

She kept pressing me to answer her, “Let’s get curious about it!”

The more I thought about it, the more questions I had:

Which words made me so incredibly angry?
what had I assumed he thought of me?
What thoughts were arising in my mind during the fight?

As I dived into examining my mindset, I noticed that I had created far too many assumptions of what he might have been thinking about me.

These assumptions led the fight into the situation I was in.

Getting out of this attack and defense mood was pretty hard for both of us.

Then, I had one of the most precious “aha moments” in my life.

I realized that everything I had assumed he thought of me, was actually what I was thinking of myself. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Here is an example to make things clearer:

Let’s say you have a partner (oh, and it is totally ok if you don’t, I didn’t when I cured my vaginismus).

And your partner says that you don’t put enough effort into healing vaginismus.

What would be your first response?

Would you think of something along the lines of;

“HOW DARE YOU?!”

or would you jump to questions such as:

What makes you think that?
I put tonnes of effort into my journey, what you are saying right now hurts me.”
I agree. I need to find a way to motivate myself more, or I need to find some support.”

Whenever you find yourself asking “How dare you?!”, have you ever checked your emotions?

What were they? Anger? Disappointment? Hatred?

Now, I am going to be honest with you my dear, these were emotions you were most likely feeling towards yourself.

Oh and just to warn you, things are going to get much deeper after this!

In this example for instance:

What if you agree with your partner?
What if you really do think you are not doing enough?

And what if you are:

Disliking the idea of “not doing enough”
Hating yourself for not putting as much effort as you need to heal your vaginismus.
Blaming yourself for being inconsistent.

The anger we feel when we hear them say our thoughts out loud is triggered because a part of us doesn’t want to accept that we feel this way.

Am I clear, here?

It can be subtle and hard to notice, but the reality is that these emotions exist because we have not accepted our own inner thoughts about ourselves.

Whenever we encounter a similar opinion to the ones we have of ourselves which we don’t want to accept, we often respond with extreme inner anger.

So, acceptance is key here! You can read more about “acceptance” by simply clicking here.

Take a moment to think about this beautiful quote:

“The more you resist, it persists”.

The more we get lost in thoughts of “we are not doing enough”, the less we’ll believe that we can overcome it.
The more we keep on blaming ourselves, the less consistent we will be with our motivation to cure it.
The more we hate having vaginismus, the more we’ll have it.

Before you take this all too personally, just think; isn’t it awesome to discover what is truly happening within our inner thoughts? Knowing this can help us transform them right?

How do we transform our mindset so that our relationships do not suffer from our unhealthy inner thoughts?

Frankly, dear, this is a beautiful question 😊

We have tonnes of opportunities in our daily day life to discover ourselves more.

And as we become aware of what impacts us during difficult conversations, then we can transform our reactions into a healthier response.

But first, we need to train our minds to be more aware of what’s REALLY happening at the moment.

It can be either through becoming aware of the stories that we are telling ourselves, or recognizing the lenses of our minds.

That’s why we practice mindfulness to cultivate the skill of being aware of what happens, without judgment.

As I mentioned in my story earlier, my whole body stopped shaking when I was asked to evaluate my inner thoughts.

When my friend had encouraged me to be more curious about my reactions, I started to investigate myself honestly to truly understand what was happening in my mind.

The more we practice being mindful throughout the day, the more we will be able to acknowledge our experiences at the moment.

This means that instead of being caught up in imaginary stories, thoughts, and beliefs, we simply witness them as they are.

The power of being able to hear ourselves and understand our thoughts responses allows us to avoid getting caught up in anger and focus on our healing journey.

Once we start learning these attitudes, our management of difficult conversations with the ones we love will become much easier.

Therefore, instead of having sharp ups and downs in our relationships because of those fights, we’ll be more aware of our thinking patterns and able to hear each other more clearly and compassionately.

And that, my dear, will impact our vaginismus healing journey a lot!

“The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all people, experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages, so that one never withdraws or centralizes into oneself. ” Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together, if you haven’t yet.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com