Genuine Acceptance Is Very Important Especially When Living With Vaginismus

Acceptance is a very powerful quality we must learn especially when it comes to living with vaginismus.

While we are living with vaginismus, we tend to

be ashamed of ourselves,
feel un-whole,
hate to live with it,
feel not normal

You know what? It’s OK to feel like that. The key here is to make sure that we transform these destructive feelings into more wholesome ones which serve us better.

We’ll talk about that in a minute and then we will dive into the importance of genuine acceptance especially when living with vaginismus.

But before that, let me introduce myself😊

Hi, I’m Petek. I had been living with vaginismus almost at fifth-degree for years and then I overcame it. So, you can overcome vaginismus too, just saying;)

Now, I help women with vaginismus to raise the awareness of this condition and take action now to overcome it before they lose any more time suffering in silence as I did so they can have pain free penetration and feel more confident, empowered and whole. You can check it out for more detail from here.

Now let’s begin 😊

How can I transform those qualities that don’t serve me?

Practicing mindfulness meditation was very helpful for my vaginismus journey and still helps maintain balance in my life.

As we practice it, we begin to understand the patterns of our minds, the sources of our sufferings and the ways of ending those sufferings.

Take some time to read this article that I wrote where I explain in more detail the ways to cultivate these qualities: 3 Ways To Help Your Vaginismus Cure Journey With Cultivating Wholesome Qualities

Today I want to emphasize the power of acceptance, that we gain as we practice mindfulness meditation:

#1 First and foremost, acceptance genuinely

It sounds weird, right? Because when we accept our challenges, then they are no longer OUR LIMITATION!

I’m gonna dive here with an example.

There was a beautiful question from a woman in the vipassana/meditation retreat that I attended:

“What do you mean by acceptance exactly? Lots of inhuman things are happening at the border of the countries. Should I just say, yes, it’s ok?

I just can’t do it!”

It is an awesome question! The truth is, acceptance doesn’t mean we don’t have to act on anything. It means we see things as they are, clearly, without getting caught up on the emotions that tend to limit us.

Acceptance allows us to honestly answer the question:

“Is there anything that I can do about it?”

With answers such as:

I could raise the awareness on that issue,
or collect donations for people in need,
or perhaps I could volunteer with an NGO

That is the power of acceptance, once we achieve it, we can use our new perspective to make constructive developments in our lives.

When I say GENUINE acceptance, I mean that there are no expectations for a return.

So, not like: “Ok, I’ll accept, then I’ll change”.

Rather, “It’s ok to feel like that” because there’s more compassion towards ourselves; like a warm hug or a soothing voice coming from us to us.

It’s something like sitting near your crying friend and saying “I’m here, dear”.

Even just saying that makes your friend feel heard and accepted.

Because of that, when we live with vaginismus, it is important for us to connect with other women with vaginismus,

to be heard,
to be accepted,
to be seen

Because we are HUMAN!

This is a genetic inheritance from our ancestors:

We tend to seek acceptance from others.

First from our parents, then from our friends, then from our partners maybe.

What about if that acceptance came from us? What if we accepted ourselves as we are?

Maybe we have vaginismus and feel very ashamed of it,
Maybe we feel down from time to time,
Maybe we don’t feel comfortable with how we look from time to time,

The fact is, it is ALRIGHT! We have a right to feel or be like that. It’s OK!

As Carl Rogers says “It’s not about getting the feeling out of the mind, or hiding it, but about experiencing it with acceptance”

When we accept how we feel in the moment, then change starts naturally, because the tension around: “I shouldn’t feel like that” fades away. Then we feel heard and seen by ourselves!

And as I mentioned above, when we accept, then it’s no longer our limitation.

#2 Asking yourself if there is anything you can do about it!

The important question here is, how can I serve me?

Is what I repeat over and over again in my mind leading to my suffering or serving me in any way?

Then, what do I need most?

Can you see how compassionate these questions are?

Whenever I feel down I try to first accept how I feel.

Then, ask myself what I need most at that moment.

Maybe treating myself well would serve me and would meet my need by:

eating a bar of chocolate 😉
drinking a cup of tea or coffee,
going outside for running, or any sport, or yoga
meditating,
meeting up with friends and connecting with them

When we accept our vaginismus then we begin to ask ourselves, what do I need most?

maybe I need knowledge
- How can I overcome vaginismus?
- Is there a cure?
maybe I need support
- are there communities that I can join to hear from others and not feel alone in this journey?
- If I have a partner, can I talk to my partner openly about being heard?
- who can I walk with along my vaginismus healing journey

I remember a post from a woman with vaginismus saying she was feeling very guilty because she wasn’t having PIV sex with her husband.

She was asking if it was alright to feel guilty.

My answer to that question was “YES, IT’S OK TO FEEL GUILTY!”

But then maybe we need to ask ourselves, what else do I feel now?

Then, how I can serve myself? What do I need most now?

What a caring question, isn’t it?

Motivating us to think about what our needs are in the moment is very essential.

And my dear reader, our bodies talk to us in different ways.

Vaginismus is just one of them.

Rather than fighting against these different ways, let’s listen to them, let’s accept them first as they are, and let’s give some care to ourselves by simply asking those questions!

You know why? Because, We MATTER, OUR HEALTH MATTERS!

I invite you to think about yourself now, what your needs are most?

How can you accept more?

How can you serve YOU more?

How can you understand yourself more?

“Meditation takes us just as we are, with our confusion and our sanity. This complete acceptance of ourselves as we are is a simple, direct relationship with our being. We call this maitri, loving-kindness toward ourselves and others. “Pema Chödron

You can download my free vaginismus cure guide from here if you haven’t yet.

If you found this article helpful, then come and join our free online community Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together.

I talk more about these topics and in more detail.

Let’s meet there. Let’s grow together.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com