Am I correct? I totally hear you cause I’ve been there. I had been struggling with it for more than 10 years until I finally managed to cure vaginismus.

The most overwhelming feeling was; embarrassment! I talk about my story more here if you want more insight into how I cured my vaginismus.

I had my first PIV (intercourse sex) when I was over 30! But hey, I did it 😊

Cause it is totally curable. Which is the best part of living with it; knowing that it is curable!😊

Here in this post, we’ll talk about how we can recognize our overwhelming feelings and how to work with them rather than fighting against them.

Especially because the most common thoughts, we have during the healing process, is that we are broken.

Hey dear! Let’s get clear on this: we are not broken just because we have this condition!

I think this is the NUMBER 1 thing that we need to practice saying to ourselves! If possible, say it out LOUD please!😊. 

”I have a condition but I am NOT BROKEN!”. Feel free to add to the end also: “NOT AT ALL!”

• Maybe you are in a marriage and you think like you are not able to consummate your marriage,
• Or you are gonna get married or have a partner and you are terrified of the first night because you are a virgin,
• Or you are single and diagnosed by vaginismus and you don’t know how to overcome this without a partner.

No worries dear! You can overcome vaginismus and eventually have pain free intercourse sex, free of the burden you’ve been carrying on your shoulders for -many of us- years. Cause as I just said: it is CURABLE!

And do you know what the second most important thing is?

It is that; you are NOT ALONE!

I’m not saying this just to motivate you. There is research that shows vaginismus affecting from 5 to 17 percent of women. Because vaginismus is such a taboo subject, statistics can’t show us an exact figure, suggesting that there are many of us suffering in silence.

Thank God that there are different kinds of social media platforms available now that help creates spaces for us to reach out to others living with vaginismus. So that we can see that we are definitely NOT ALONE!

Why Is It Secret?

So there is nothing to fix here. But I also understand that we take it very personally. 

We tend to feel:

• guilty, 
• embarrassed,
• not enough, 

Which makes us feel worthless and undeserving. 

We tend to keep it as a secret for as long as we can cause we don’t want to be seen the way we see us! Hiding agonizes the condition and forces us to be inauthentic which leads to alienation from our true selves. 

If you look closer, these are the feelings associated with the idea of vaginismus, rather than as you are with the condition. It’s hard to see vaginismus as a condition clearly without getting trapped in those streams of beliefs.

Alright! So where do I start with curing my vaginismus?

First, join groups related to vaginismus.

I have a Facebook group called Yes We Can Cure Vaginismus Together if you would like to join a community of women supporting women with vaginismus and also getting resources on how to cure it. And there is a group called Vaginismus Support and Living with Vaginismus that I’d highly recommend you.

See how you are not the only one suffering from this condition.

Then find a gynecologist that you feel a connection with. 

Let’s remember here: When we go to see an ob/GYN:

• Feeling understood MATTERS!
• Feeling comfortable MATTERS!
• Feeling the doctor’s kindness and care MATTERS!

I want you to realize here, that it is so important to understand WHAT WE FEEL MATTERS!

How can I overcome vaginismus as fast as possible?

I assure you that if you have a time limit to cure vaginismus, then it gets much harder to cure. The more stress you give it, the more you’ll get stress in return. 

We need to take the TIME. We need CLARITY. We need to learn to see things from a new perspective. To see things as they are, without any interpretation, without taking it personally.

And you know what my? You also don’t need ages to overcome it. This is why finding support networks are so important in your journey to curing vaginismus.

We’ll come on that in a second but I want to address another point here: This condition is giving us a huge opportunity to become more aware of how we are treating ourselves in the face of difficulty and discomfort, which is where our learning process begins! 

What is this learning process?

It’s a personal growth process. 

We need to start by learning how to accept whatever we experience at the moment, genuinely. 

There is a beautiful line from a very kind Vietnamese master called Thich Nhat Hanh which goes:

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. “

And this quality of acceptance sounds very simple, yet it’s one of the most difficult qualities that we have to genuinely implement into our lives.

How am I going to learn to accept then?

By committing to be mindful of whatever happens at the moment as best we can. One of the most helpful practices I found was mindfulness meditation. (You may want to know more about this: Why Do We Practice Mindfulness Meditation To Cure Vaginismus)

When you practice mindfulness meditation regularly, you can learn to observe things as they are. 

The more we notice the habits, repetitive thoughts and beliefs that we have identified with, the more we see ourselves as we truly are.

The phenomenon of seeing ourselves closer helps us create space for habits that serve us a more positive purpose. We learn a skill to remain unreactive against negative behaviors so that instead of being controlled by them, we choose to observe and accept them as they exist.

Let me give you an example!

Let’s say that you’ve come to the stage of working with dilators. There is still a way to go! During our work, we feel frustrated. That frustration associated with :

• I can’t do it!
• I am a failure!
• I am pathetic!

Then, how can we clearly focus on the fact that we tighten up our muscles around the vagina and hope that that will soften them? We are already too caught up to our unreal beliefs; attacking, judging ourselves.

Very nicely said by Joseph Goldstein: “Every time we become aware of a thought, as opposed to being lost in a thought, we experience that opening of the mind.”

In order to experience the opening of the mind and acceptance,  we need to see them first as they are.

Let’s get back to the steps you need to take to overcome vaginismus!

There are different kinds of treatments for vaginismus: going to vaginismus clinics, seeing physiotherapists, working with sex therapists, psychotherapists, and mindfulness specialists.

You can check out my free cure vaginismus guide if you want to see more information.

I believe that there are no consequences in life. When I was struggling with vaginismus, I didn’t see that it could teach me a thing. I was so busy with the question of “Why me?”

But when I look now, it made me who I am; it taught me not to resist but accept, it showed me how I can get to know myself more and, not to fight against my discomfort rather work with it! 

It made me see that it’s not my personality but a condition that I need to work on.

So are you ready, my dear reader, to learn from your vaginismus, to work with it rather than seeing it as your enemy?

If you found this article helpful, then join our free online community for people like us. I will talk more about these topics and in more detail. 

Come on! Join us from here.

If you want to get to know more about the cure itself, then you can download my free cure guide from here.

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com