When I look back at the time I had vaginismus, there was a constant thought running through my mind: “I want to overcome this condition.”

Really? I mean was I being totally honest with myself? I want to point this out because my actions were not reflecting my thoughts, at the time, I didn’t even realize this, and I want to tell you why.

Before I get to that let me introduce myself. Hi! My name is Petek 😊

I was living with vaginismus for more than a decade then I cured it. And I want to mention here that the extent of my vaginismus was pretty high; I mean even seeing the examination seat in the gyn clinic was enough for me to have contractions.

You can read more of my story from here. 

I had relationships that lasted a long time and all my partners were very kind, lovely men, there is no doubt that I loved them. But the thing is, most of them were not sexually attracted to me, so I felt safe you know 😉

They genuinely accepted my condition, which is truly wonderful but it meant that I kept myself in these relationships with men I knew were not the one for me. And I was not the one for them either. 

The more I avoided sex, the more my libido waned. And because I was still actively avoiding curing myself, I was trapped in a lose lose situation.

There is a paradox here, you may see it. I never said that I didn’t want to overcome this condition but I was behaving in a way to support my fear of taking action to cure my condition. I was in so much denial, that I didn’t even know that this was what was happening.

It was only until afterwards, looking back that I was able to understand why this was happening.

Can you identify with that? It doesn’t have to be related to vaginismus, it can be something from your daily day life. Do you remember any situation like you thought that you wanted something to happen very badly but when you look at your actions were not leading to what you were saying at all? 

When you think those situations, what was holding you back at the moment? 

What’s been holding us back? And how can we identify them?

These are the questions that we’ll answer today.

To be honest, while I was saying that I wanted to overcome vaginismus, first question that I needed to ask was, “what was my attitude at the moment”? What I mean is, how was I feeling while saying that?

The attitude of my mind was definitely “aversion”, not wanting things in a certain way. And there is a tremendous difference between : “I want to overcome it” and “I don’t want it!”.

Think about the times in your life when you have accomplished what you wanted. What was your attitude like? Were you obsessed with feeling sorry for your self and being angry with your situation? Or were you motivated and excited to achieve your dreams?

Whenever we speak from a space that doesn’t want things in a certain way, then become our suffering and maximise the intensity of our pain. This makes it harder to overcome the core issue itself, and forces us to believe ideas such as “I can’t do it”, “I am not capable” so like.

So when we want to achieve things in life, it is extremely important to ask ourselves:

1. What is my attitude when phrasing the problem or goal?

2. Is how I describe the problem or goal serving me in a way that helps me take action vs. reinforcing my fear and pain patterns in such a way that I am letting myself down?

3. If it doesn’t serve me, is there any way to rephrase the thought of the problem or goal in  a way to serve me?

The more we become aware of the real intention of how we are phrasing things, the more we’re going to be liberated from the limits holding us back.

What we need to practice is to be more honest to ourselves, which can be very tricky sometimes or most of the time, don’t you think so?

Facing our fears and challenges with hatred, shame and anger may seem like the default, I agree! But as much as we practice being honest with ourselves over and over again, remembering to label our thoughts without judging, then the more we will be able to accept these fears without judgement, and the easier it will be for us to overcome them.

Eventually, the transformation will start! Not just the transformation of the condition itself,but the relationship with the condition that we have will transform too!

This is not a magic but miracle😊

Here is the beautiful line from Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that I accept myself just as I am, then I can change”

There is a natural momentum of being a witness of your real intention that it helps to free you from your own suffering.

How are we going to become more aware of the attitude of our mind?

I love those questions 😊

Being mindful is the key here. It’s hard to implement better attitudes to our daily life if we are not practicing mindfulness in general.

We simply need to learn to observe things without reacting to them. 

I love the definition of mindfulness from Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally”

Now, I want you to think again, is your attitude towards you condition like:

“I want to overcome vaginismus” or “I don’t want it any more!!!”

If I could overcome, then you can overcome it too, but you need to take a different approach. Join our free online community to find out how.

Every week we practice mindfulness techniques and share tips and tricks to getting through living with vaginismus, and empowering ourselves with the power of acceptance.

 

If you found this post helpful, you should have a look at my freebie too. You can get it from here.

 

If you want to get to know more about the cure itself, then you can download my free cure guide from here.

“To bring about a true change in your attitudes is hard at first. But if you understand the meaning behind this mind training, and keep on trying to apply it, you will find that it helps you in every difficult situation. Just as a well-designed vehicle can travel any distance quickly with ease.”

E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com