Am I being clear enough? 😊 Let’s break it down.
Aren’t we tired of repeating the same frustrating argument in our head over and over again as we fight with our lady bits to cooperate and relax a little? Can you see why this is a paradox?
How can we expect our vaginas to work the way we want them to when the main thoughts that cross our mind when thinking about her are negative?
The constant judgement we place on ourselves for not being “open enough”, “too tight”, “always cold and closed off” are working just as hard as the ones begging for a break.
And that is a lot of stress to bare! Especially when you are struggling with vaginismus. If you can relate to that, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I had been struggling with vaginismus for more than 10 years and then I cured it, you can find my story here.
From the very beginning of this journey, the struggle to loosen up my body was a big issue, but most importantly, the lack of love and compassion for myself was the largest hurdle I had to overcome in order to finally take a step to cure my vaginismus condition after six years of shame, denial and pain.
Why did it take so long to cure my condition?
Many of us live with vaginismus for years before finally taking action to overcome it. Isn’t that strange? It’s actually NOT when we get to know the potential of OUR MIND!
Why would women with tremendous strength, skills and potential avoid dealing with a condition that is holding them back from achieving their Best Life?
For me, even diagnosing my symptoms took years, but that is another story for another day. Right now, I want us to answer the question; WHY? Why does it take so long to liberate ourselves from vaginismus?
The answer is simple, our MINDS have not been trained against self-sabotage.
So let’s get back to the question! Why does it take so long to even try cure ourselves of vaginismus?
Let’s look at these three common attributes of people suffering with our condition;
1) Repetitive behavior responses in the face of difficulty.
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- Creating stories and believing in them,
- Comparing us with others and pitying ourselves,
- Feeling “not enough”, “not normal” and very lonely
2) Habitualizing that behavior as we repeat the same response
3) Believing in those unreal stories and making them “our reality”
In that Picture, we can say that our perception of reality is completely distorted.
The problem is, living in our reality is heavy! It gets hard to find the energy to go beyond the unreal reality we have settled for. It is almost impossible to imagine an alternative perspective of our situation.
Our minds have potential to be littered with judgmental self-talks, arguments against ourselves and sometimes can be very ruthless even. All these talks bind us and restrain our potential forcing our body, our VAGINA to tighten.
After all these years, and with everything I have learned, there is one core principle we must understand first to cure our vaginismus; there is NO WAY to relax our vaginas without softening our hearts.
Which brings us to another question!
How to loosen up my heart?
And I don’t mean this in any mystical or spiritual way, I literally mean, how can I open up my heart?
There are tonnes of ways to ask the same question;
- How can I feel more love for others so that for me?
- How do I feel more compassion rather than aversion?
- How do I feel more joy rather than comparing myself to others?
- How do I see things clearly no matter what happens outside and stay grounded?
The answer is simple: “PRACTICE”. We need to work on those qualities to cultivate.
So that brings us to my favorite question;
How do I cultivate these qualities then?
“The brahmaviharas are a series of four Buddhist virtues and the meditation practices made to cultivate them. They are also known as the four immeasurables.”
Now things are about to get more exciting!
What is this four immeasurables?
“There is 4 different qualities of the heart” (Cultivating Self-Love & Awakening Inner Peace 5 Day Silent Meditation & Vipassana Retreat)
1) Loving and kindness:
This is an ancient practice which is complementary to mindfulness meditation practice. In this practice, you constantly send well wishes to others as repeating certain phrases over and over again. It helps us to cultivate more genuine “love” and “care” for others without any expectation of getting something in return. It sounds simple, I know, but not easy.
We can call this as “unconditional love” instead of needy or dependent love. It doesn’t have to be between you and your partner though, it can be towards any being in life; be it a friend, pet or that tree over there 😉. There is an abundance of things and places to send your love, learning how to send it out everyday is the trick.
2) Compassion:
It is the love and care you feel for someone who is suffering at the moment. As we practice compassion, we cultivate a quality to help others rather than pity them. Thus teaching ourselves to apply the same habit towards ourselves.
3) Sympathetic Joy:
It is the joy you feel from celebrating others’ happiness or success without comparison. This quality gives us the ability to separate ourselves from jealousy, and replace it with genuine happiness.
4) Equanimity:
It is a quality of feeling grounded no matter what happens outside. That doesn’t mean cultivating avoidance or ignorance to the outside world! Instead, it refers to the ability to keep a CLEAR MIND when you need to take CLEAR ACTION.
Why practicing those are important for treating vaginismus?
There are 3 reasons why they can help us cure our condition 😊
1) It clears our MIND and allows us to realize that this is not PERSONAL. We are able to see vaginismus as a CONDITION rather than as a personal FAILURE.
2) It teaches us to be more kind and loving to ourselves.
3) It shows us how to transform our negativity bias into more positive perceptions of reality through just wishing well for others without expectation.
Thus, practicing “four immeasurables” can help us to expand our hearts’ capacity; to be more caring, loving and kind for others so that ourselves and move towards curing our condition rather distracting ourselves with the unreal reality our minds have created. They give us a new perspective to see our condition as a condition to look for HELP and find the method that suits us best in trying to CURE our vaginismus.
You know what? It’s definitely CURABLE.
So let’s not sabotage ourselves! As I said before, it’s SIMPLE but NOT EASY.
So what now?
If you asked that question, then we are on the right path.
In fact, by reading this blog, you are already showing that you have the motivation to go on.
Take a minute to acknowledge that! Congratulate yourself, you are making a move to change for the better. Well done!!
If you found this article helpful, then join our free cure vaginismus online community. I will talk more about these topics in detail and guide you to practice them and mindfulness meditation in the group.
Come on! Join us from here.
If you want to get to know more about the cure itself, then you can download my free cure guide from here.
“How all we experience the World a month, a year or 5 years from now .Would we be even angrier, more grasping or more fearful or will some shift have occurred? It depends on entirely tendencies where we reinforce today.”
E-mail: petek@yeswecancure.com
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