Are you struggling with painful sex?

Inserting a tampon or your finger inside your vagina is almost impossible?

Then, you might be struggling with vaginismus.

This article will explain what it is and what 4 ways that I find important to overcome vaginismus.

Then I’ll dive into one of the ways more in detail.

But first, I want to share part of my story with you.

I had been suffering from vaginismus for over 10 years. For a long time, I was not even sure of what was happening.

I remained undiagnosed until eventually, after 6 years, we were able to diagnose my condition known as “vaginismus.”

So, let’s talk about what the experts say about vaginismus.

According to Alinda Small, “It [vaginismus] affects 5 to 17 percent of women (though even those statistics are tricky, considering how hush-hush the whole topic has become) and is the primary female cause of sexless (unconsummated) marriages.”

“Women don’t talk about it, and they don’t come forward for treatment.”

Despite the painful and traumatic experiences facing women with this condition, many do not come forward and seek medical help because they are ashamed and convinced that they are “not normal” or “something is wrong with them.”

I can definitely relate to that. Aside from the embarrassment, the belief that I was “not normal” was insecurity that had rooted itself deep within me over the years.

Making it even more difficult for me to take action to heal my vaginismus.

Eventually, I was able to heal it, and I can not begin to tell you how liberated I felt after my very first penetrative sex!

And to be honest, I was shocked. A question raised at the very moment of having first intercourse: is that it? Is it really so simple? Why did I spend over a decade of my life in needless fear then?”

I had become a slave to my mindset.

When I was finally free of the shame I had been carrying with me, all of those fears melted away, and I was able to start a new chapter of my life literally!

So, what is vaginismus?

“Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of muscles around the opening of the vagina in women with no abnormalities in the genital organs. The tight muscle contraction makes sexual intercourse or any sexual activity that involves penetration painful or impossible.” (https://www.msdmanuals.com/home/women-s-health-issues/sexual-dysfunction-in-women/vaginismus)

Are there different types of vaginismus?

For some women with vaginismus, the symptoms have been present from puberty. This is known as Primary Vaginismus.

For others, it may occur after the vaginal function has been normal for many years. This is known as Secondary Vaginismus.

Do you also feel alone? I can totally hear you!

You might be feeling alone, hopeless or you may have stopped believing you can have a family or a healthy relationship, or much less a healthy sex life. I did.

We have all had these recurring thoughts in our head:

I am “incomplete”, “broken”, ”not a woman”!

I’m here to tell you that voice in your head is NOT CORRECT! You are a woman, and you can feel complete again!

These are my 4 approaches to curing your vaginismus.

The first thing is first; visit your gynecologist! This is a MUST in the overcoming process.

Choose a gynecologist with kindness, compassion, and acknowledges vaginismus. It is essential that you feel as comfortable, heard, and understood during the examination.

How to Overcome Vaginismus Approach #1: Go to a Vaginismus Clinic/Women’s Health Clinic

This might be a quick physical solution. There are different types of treatment proposed for vaginismus in the clinics.

At the end of the treatment, you’ll be capable of having a dilator/penis inside of you under your control.

However, you might need to practice this process for a while on your own afterward, so be prepared for this possibility.

How to Overcome Vaginismus Approach #2: Psychological Therapy

Having the support of clinical and counseling psychologists can be instrumental in helping you understand and heal the psychological aspect of this condition.

This might take some time, but it helps discover what the blocks are in your past that cause blocks in your vagina right now.

I’d say that this approach is complementary to Pelvic Health Physiotherapy.

How to Overcome Vaginismus Approach #3: Pelvic Health Physiotherapy

It is essential to find a physiotherapist that specializes in vaginismus. Learning how to exercise and rehabilitate your body during the healing process is essential to ensuring a long-lasting heal against vaginismus.

I’d say that this approach is complementary to Psychological Therapy.

How to Overcome Vaginismus Approach #4: Mindfulness-based Therapy

This method doesn’t focus on the past and doesn’t make you try to understand the core reason for your behavior.

On the contrary, it focuses on the present moment and teaches you to pay attention to whatever arises in your own mind and the body at the very present moment.

You’ll begin to notice your own pattern of thoughts and behaviors and become more aware of how the reflection of those patterns in the body as tension or tightness and what connected emotions are, such as fear or anxiety, without analyzing the cause.

So let’s dive into Approach #4!

How can mindfulness-based therapy help me overcome vaginismus?

As you practice mindfulness meditation, you will earn a new way of responding to those patterns by simply becoming aware of them instead of driven by them.

It was through this approach that I was able to achieve the best results in my healing journey.

Basically, rather than changing the emotion itself, such as fear, anxiety, pain, or any unwholesome intentions that drag you down, what you practice is to evolve the relationship with them and learn how to stay with them without REACTING.

There are remarkable studies on heal vaginismus with a mindfulness-based approach.

According to a study “An integrated mindfulness-based approach to the treatment of women with sexual pain and anxiety: promoting autonomy and mind/body connection”, it says “Rather than considering mindfulness as a meditative state induced by breathing or an altered state of consciousness, mindfulness is utilized here as an approach that addresses perceptions, feelings, attitudes, and thoughts and allows clients to recognize how cognitive judgment of their feelings and their symptoms actually negatively affects their symptoms.”

(Bishop et al., 2004). Applying mindfulness in treatment allows the client to focus on and accept feelings and perceptions, whether they refer to the physical perception of pain, the physical manifestations of anxiety or emotional feelings such as shame, exposure, sadness, and frustration, and to recognize thoughts as mental sensations that may be simply observed rather than followed.”

What mindfulness practices teach us that:

• by observing
  • the racing mind: we are able to see the impermanence of thoughts, which change moment by moment.
  • the emotions: such as agitation, self-pity, embarrassment, self-judgment, etc.
  • the impact of those emotions on our body: we are able to see how contractions in the thighs or the stomach, or holding the breath or heaviness on the throat, etc., are directly related to such emotions.
• by developing a skill to recognize and redirect our resistance against such emotions we can allow them to pass over without being controlled by them.

Mindfulness helps us cultivate a new skill that helps us stay grounded and centered whenever our unwholesome mindsets or unpleasant thoughts arise, through acceptance rather than resistance.

How does mindfulness relate to overcoming vaginismus?

The mind is a powerful thing!

By learning what your mind’s blocks are that causing fear, anxiety, or pain in the body, you will be able to evolve the relationship with them.

You’ll be able to stay with the discomfort as you soften your body and be an observer as the discomfort comes and passes away!

Therefore, it will lead to holistically overcoming vaginismus.

Question:

Imagine for a minute what it would feel like to be in a loving and intimate relationship with the person of your dream, having a healthy sex life, or having a family.

How long are you willing to wait to achieve that?

Most importantly, if it’s not now, then when?

E-mail: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com

PS. Be sure to join my free overcoming vaginismus online community! Join here.

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