Let’s talk about the power of our mindset and how it can be the key to our healing vaginismus journey.
I know, living with vaginismus sucks sometimes, in fact, it sucks most of the time!
It’s so NORMAL if you feel in this way!
In fact, we can evolve, transform, and grow from this condition!
I hear you asking, how so?
Let me be more specific!
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Let’s go on, dear!
How we react in the midst of any challenging incident throughout the day is pretty connected to how we react to any difficult experience related to our vaginismus.
Let me give a couple of examples to clarify what I mean:
- We need to finish a difficult task at work which we can not hand over to someone else so what we do is spend all our time complaining but not starting at all,
- Or when we haven’t had any sleep at night because of mosquitoes, rather than fixing the problem, we have been complaining about it instead.
This behavior might be our habit, dear: being in complaint mode and feeling like a victim!
And think about how this mode would impact our self-confidence and trust in ourselves. Because as we complain, we give a subtle, yet explicit message to our minds, such as:
- We are victims of outer circumstances!
- We are not capable of changing things in our lives!
- We are not decision-makers!
Can you relate to that? Because I still can relate to this from time to time, dear.
I notice myself complaining and whining without even any intention of solving the problem. By the way, whether you solve the problem doesn’t matter at all, but complaining about it does, dear 😊
While it can be nice to whine about some things, constantly thinking like this, can lead us to adopt a victim mindset. This can lead us to feel sorry for ourselves, depressed, and will make living with vaginismus very difficult.
And as most of us experienced, feeling depressed is a common phenomenon that has the potential to hold us back on our healing progress.
Then, how can we shift our mindset from victim to decision-maker while healing our vaginismus?
A fair question!
I want to share with you four steps to do that, dear.
Step #1: Listening to yourself and notice the intention while talking to yourself: what and how are you saying?
Being aware of our thoughts is very fundamental, dear. We can’t transform anything that we are not aware of!
Bringing attention to your mind and see what’s in there without giving yourself a hard time.
I know, not judging ourselves is a difficult one.
Here is a significant way to learn how to be less judgemental towards ourselves and also to get to know ourselves more by noticing what’s in our minds:
- becoming aware of our judgmental thoughts and saying in silence, “Aha, I’m judging myself, right now”,
- then, noticing how your body responds to this thought,
- and then, intentionally bringing your attention to your breath.
As you see here, we are not pushing away our thoughts, but rather exploring them as fully as we can.
It might seem an easy process while reading this but not so much while implementing it. That’s why mindfulness practices help us tremendously by cultivating the skills we need to put in place.
Step #2 Determining the problem which needs to be solved
Focusing on the specific problem you’re dealing with is essential.
While we tend to expand our focus on the bigger picture, doing this can lead us to feel:
- sorry for ourselves,
- disappointed,
- or incomplete,
then it’s hard to get out of the victim mindset. That’s why it’s crucial to remind ourselves of the current task that is giving us a hard time!
Step #3 Asking ourselves for help with this problem
After feeling clear on the issue we are struggling with, then asking this critical question: “How can I help myself with this task?”
This question not only prepares us for the following step it also changes our focus from creating stories around to taking action to solve the problem!
Step #4 Taking action to solve the problem and seeing the accomplishment in it
So, let’s be more specific here with an example:
Let’s say that I need to finish one of my most boring or difficult tasks at work, and find myself grumbling about it. At that moment, I am turning my mindset to a victim-mindset.
The more I complain about the task, the slower I get or the less focused I can be, so I end up accomplishing the task in 4 hours when it could be in 30 minutes!
After implementing these first two steps, as mentioned above, I ask myself how I can help with this task. Immediately shifting my focus from complaining to finding a solution!
When I question if there is anything that I can do to change the reality of this task. And let’s say that my answer to this is “No, there isn’t”.
Then I dig for more solutions:
- setting time to finish the task and telling myself that the task will be executed in that short period of time,
- avoiding all the distractions around me, such as phone or social media,
- being %100 “there” to execute the task according to plan!
So from a victimized mindset, we can become a planner, executer, accomplisher!
The mindset experienced during this process is mind-blowing!
Because dear, it is more than accomplishing a task: it’s practicing a mindset shift and building confidence!
As we practice this mindset shift with tasks throughout the day, then we will be able to reflect a similar behavior towards our vaginismus healing journey.
Rather than complaining about living with vaginismus and feeling victimized by it. We can choose to become a decision-maker with confidence so that we’ll be able to focus on overcoming this condition, dear!
So here is my question for you: What do you want to strengthen now: the victim mindset or the decision-maker mindset?
If your answer is the decision-maker mindset, which I would assume so 😊, then when will you start to do it?
”Generosity need not be applied only in the material realm. We can also cultivate a spirit of generosity in whatever problem we are working on. We do this by making an offering of ourselves – offering a hand, offering a word, offering heart and mind – as a positive condition in any situation we find ourselves in. This attitude extends our open heart and mind into action
and keeps us ready to act to benefit others.” 17th Karmapa
You can download my free vaginismus overcoming guide from here if you haven’t yet.
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E-mail: petek@yeswecanhealtogether.com